Ah, December. Time to enjoy the brisk fresh air. Time to cuddle-up in front of the fireplace. Time to finally put on those new boots you got from Walmart for $19.95. Life is good. And now, as a banquet manager, it's time for the holiday parties.Why the F#@& is it called a holiday party anyway?
It's a damm Christmas Party you jerk!
Have we all lost our minds! What makes this a holiday? My idea of a friggin' holiday certainly isn't clearing plates for a month for a bunch of fat s.o.b.'s that keep trying to rub up against their secretaries!
My idea of a holiday is laying my fat ass on some beach in the Bahamas with a babe in one hand and one of those frozen fruity drinks in the other (don't you dare forget the little pink umbrella!).
My idea of a holiday is leaving my socks on the floor next to the bed (the hell with what my wife says!).
My idea of a holiday is being allowed to own a gun so I can "pop a cap in someone's ass" if they try to mess with me or my family.
My idea of a holiday is eating red meat all day (especially from my BBQ).
My idea of a holiday is watching football on my big screen TV without the wife & kids yelling at me all day.
So, my idea of a holiday party is this, call it a CHRISTMAS PARTY dammit!!! Why do we allow all those bleeding-heart, commie pinkos to take away our Christmas? Screw-em' I say. They think that the word Christmas is offensive to some people. "You should be more inclusive and welcome others into this wonderful time of the year" they say. "We should not exclude but include all people regardless of their origin or religion" the same punk tells me.
Inclusive? Inclusive? You wanna be inclusive? You want me to include you in what we should be calling a Christmas Party?
Well, you're lucky we included your fat-ass in the guest list. You're lucky I included you and your buck-tooth, skinny-ass, bleached-blond secretary to the VIP reception that allowed you two losers to slither up to the bar so you can act like a big shot and whip out that crumbled up $100 bill you have been holding onto since the 80's. You're lucky I didn't include you and your "comb-over" during the ass-whipping I gave to the kitchen when they ran out of sushi before.
Ok, ok banquet manager. You see, I'm a little pissed right now. Really, it happens every year at this time. I'm breaking my balls to make these events great and what do I get? A bunch of drunk guests that can't dance and a wait staff that doesn't want to be here anyway.
"I gotta do my Christmas shopping" one says. "Can I take off next weekend, I've got family coming in from Mexico --- they've never seen snow you know" the other one moans. "If I take off, can I go on unemployment for the rest of December" some genius asks.
Oh, December is here. I REALLY need a new job.
Merry Holiday. I mean...
MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL.
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13 comments:
In this industry December is always the month when we have to put aside our life so others can enjoy theirs.Not easy to do.
Have a great holiday season and Merry xmas to you as well!
Thanks. Same to you my new friend.
Yea, can I just stay home, skip serving at the parties and collect unemployment? Why not?
I am all for calling it a Christmas party - I'm a bleeding heart liberal atheist who fully believes in the joy of Christmas parties. The folks that think it's offensive to people have gotten their priorities out of whack.
Merry Christmas and have a wonderful New Year!
The most awkward thing happened last night, I intend on blogging about this.. There were four "Holiday" parties at the same time in the place i work at-- so they all chipped in for a DJ. BUt he turned out to be a karaoke DJ! It was God awful terrible. Awkward that no one knew each other from the four individual parties, too .. very strange night
Ah, Banq-man, I'm really starting to like you!
Ho-Ho-Ho!
All this PC crap about Christmas drives me nuts, too. Are there really people out there who think "I'm Jewish! Can I go to something called a Christmas party? How offensive! How tasteless to use the name of the holiday most of the population celebrates, even though it now has almost zero religious meaning and is now just a day to eat ham and wish you weren't with your family."
I'm an athiest and I don't give a flying fuck if it's called a Christmas party. I've flirted with Wicca and I still don't give a fuck even though the Christians went and bastardized a pagan holiday. It's a name! Nobody's forcing you to kiss the cold carved Savior statue's feet. Who cares!
What I like the most in Christmas season is traveling abroad, enjoying the touch of Christmas in different country. But seems it couldn't happen cause have to stay and celebrate it with relatives in traditional ways.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year..
Happy Christmas & New Year !!
Partying on any fete eve is a great thing, you will have a couple more glasses whatever you take. I love to go near by city and have fun.
cant wait till next week and the holiday vacations! nothing is better than getting away for a week or 2 and 'recharging the batteries' for the coming year.
-jack
I was a banquet manager for around 7 years. This is my first december in at least 7 years that I have not had to deal with the holiday season and I gotta say...I really miss it! Yes, I agree with everything you said and all your blogs I read were very accurate and really cracked me up! However, I think you will have to admit that all of us that do this crazy job are a little nutty to begin with! Honestly, I can't wait until I return to Banquets! I truly love it and all it's craziness. I did try catering sales for a few months and OMG give me the long days, crazy hours and unbelievable staff any day! Keep writing and giving all of us in the biz something to relate too! Thank you!
Thanks for the great comment Julie. I'll keep writing for you and everybody else...got too much to say.
I love it and all of you who comment! We are the forgotten, but love what we do...
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