My Lunch With The Blue Haired Ladies

...Actually it was around 180 blue haired ladies (and about 8 senile old men).

We did a lunch yesterday for the neighborhood senior citizen center. This was their "2009 kick-off" event. 180 of the nicest little old ladies you could meet. They arrived way too early as usual for people of their age, when we were still putting the water glasses on the tables. They didn't mind. They were just happy to be out.

The organizers of the event had their act together. Each attendee had a place card with their entree choice listed as a cute cartoon. A picture of a steak for the beef, a chicken for the chicken (what else) and a cute fish for the fish entree...a piece of cake (a little food joke there). This made it very easy to take their orders for today's plated lunch.

We dropped their salad & bread right away. They started eating...well gumming. The DJ started to play his music... By the way - the DJ looked like Art Linkletter with Elvis sideburns! He had a really deep voice and was as corny as can be. Harmless though he was.

Then the fun started. "Mabel, it's too hot in here" one waiter overheard a lady say. After a few of these I turned the a/c on. Later, "Bernice, now it's too cold" her friend said. Oh oh, here we go.

We didn't even clear the salad plates before a few folks started asking if they could take the dessert home. You know, once 1 little old bitty sees a to-go container the race is on. I don't want this to turn into a take-out free-for-all.

We clear the salad and start serving the entrees. "I know I had the chicken ticket but my doctor says that fish is good for me" says Mabel. My waiter goes to change her meal. Now her friend Bernice wants to sample the fish too. "Hey sonny-boy, can you get me a fish too" grandma asks me. What am I gonna do? I get grandma a fish. Then the first beef issue comes up.

I'm in the kitchen when my waitress Maria says, "This lady said she can't chew the beef, can we cut it up for her"? I hope we haven't sunk this low. "I'm not going to cut up her food for her" I say. "Get one of those dirty old men to cut it up for her". "Maybe he'll get lucky" I finish. That gets me dirty looks from a few of my staff. "What, what did I say" I yelled as I surveyed the room. "You better be nice", Susan snapped. "You're gonna be like her one day", she snapped again. "Hell no" I told her.

Anyway, we finish the entree with no other issues (other than Marie cutting-up the beef for grandma). Coffee is poured, then dessert goes out. A few more changes in room temp, a few pieces of cheese cake put into to-go containers, the DJ plays the Alley Cat then the Hokey Pokie and the lunch comes to a close.

No salt & pepper shakers were stolen, I think. No one forgot their false teeth & no one wet their pants. A good day if I say so myself. Hey, I hope I can get myself dressed and out of the house when I'm their age. When it's my turn for the neighborhood senior's lunch, I wanna try to dance my version of the HuckleBuck too (a little Jackie Gleason lingo there).

P.S. Of course you know we had to take all the leftover food from Mabel's table and wrap it up for her dog. Blue Haired Ladies...you gotta love 'em.

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