Monday, December 28, 2009

Back To Work

Ok, I've had a few days off to enjoy my time off for Christmas...now it's back to work today for me to prepare for the New Years Celebration.

Celebration my ass, just another day of aggravation...this time it's the BIGGEST day of aggravation for the Banquet Manager!

Wish me luck.



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Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Merry Christmas

Just a quick note to say thank you to all my readers over this past year.  Some have linked their blog to mine, some have left great comments, some have become one of my "assistant managers", some have become a fan of mine on Facebook and some have done nothing more than keep coming back to read the latest post.

Either way, thank you for all you've done.  Merry Christmas to you and your families.

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Monday, December 21, 2009

Healthy Snacking Tips for the Holidays




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Friday, December 18, 2009

A Pop-up Xmas Party for 80 People? WTF!


How the hell do you get a pop-up Christmas party for 80 people with 2 days notice? That just doesn’t happen. How can it be that on a Wednesday (December 16th) 80 people wake up, go to work and say to their boss, “Hey boss, can we have a Christmas party this Friday”? “And, can we have assigned seating”? “And, can we have special-ordered red and green napkins too”?

This shit just doesn’t “pop-up”! The dumb-as-a-stump sales chick probably had this BEO sitting on her sloppy-as-shit desk and forgot to issue the damm BEO. Maybe she was too busy putting on her makeup, maybe she was too busy texting her ex-con boyfriend, maybe she was too busy calling the unemployment office ‘cause she knows her ass will get fired over this.

So I spent all of Wednesday afternoon & Thursday calling my staff that had off and twisting their arms to try to get them to come in for tonight. “Oh, I thought I had off so I made plans to go xmas shopping with my sister” said one. “I can’t do it boss, remember I requested off on this day and you said it was ok since we weren’t that busy Friday”, said another.

I finally got all the staff I need but still need to get the bartender. I’ll make those calls again this morning before I leave for work. I really don’t need this shit the week before Christmas…

By the way, after I snapped on the sales chick over this, the chef got a hold of her and ripped her a new one too…

Hopefully the pop-up Christmas party goes well. We wouldn’t want to ruin their “last minute plans”. Yeah right!

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Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Excuses For Being Late

My waiters are great. They're hard working, dedicated, imaginative in how they setup the buffets and a whole bunch of more things.  The only thing is the lame excuses they give me for being late.  Here are some of the best ones...


  • I forgot that I had to walk my dog
  • The power went out and my alarm clock never went on
  • I needed to go to the dry cleaners to pick up my uniform
  • I thought this was a Jewish holiday 
  • I saw a car accident and the cops wanted me as a witness (that's actually a pretty good one)
  • My husband re-tarred our driveway earlier today so I couldn't get my car out until it dried
  • I was taking a telephone survey and lost track of the time
  • My cat had diarrhea so I couldn't leave until I cleaned her up
  • There were ducks crossing the road so I had to wait for them
  • I changed my medicine and it made me sick
  • I was out to lunch with my friends from Avon and forgot about work
 What are some of the excuses you've heard...or used?

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Sunday, December 13, 2009

November Comments



Here's some of the Banquet Manager's favorite comments from readers in the month of November.  Thanks for adding your voice to this blog and keep them coming.

On "The World's Rudest Restaurants - Part 1"
Joe Positive
said:
 "Y'know how sometimes you go into work and just don't feel like being nice to people? I wonder if the staff at the Beacon ever have days when they go in and just don't feel like being jerks? What do they do then? Fake it?"

 On "The Dreaded Wedding Breakfast"
 SkippyMom
said:
"THIS? would effing make me quit on the spot. And not agreeing to pay for all of them? Witch slap - 163 DOES NOT look like 80, sorry...in no way shape or form. I have already told all of our daughters that Bridezillas don't exist in my world so don't pull it and the wedding breakfast? No one needs to be lauded over THAT much. you had your effing wedding, now get the eff out.
I am done with the cursing. TYVM and have a nice day. [this post just made me mad]"


Stephanie
said:
"Ha, you crack me up! This was hilarious. ;)"

On "Don't Blame Me For Putting The Napkins There"
Anonymous said:  "Whenever I think of the housekeeping supervisors the Elvis Costello song 'Two Little Hitlers' springs to mind.  I remember one who had a googly woogly eye and a monotonic drano damaged voice that always sounded like a sneer.  If Marge Simpson's sisters had a long lost triplet..."

On First Hotel in Space
Anonymous said:
"Weddings in space are a great way to pare down your RSVPs.
DJ plays your songs because of threat of airlock.
Or better: DJ is iPod.
Convenor can't fly back without paying bill.
The guarantee is real for a change.
A/V tech support is a bitch.
Get tired of guests asking if the Tang is real.
Freeze dried ice cream is way easy to serve.
Entree: Beef Jerky. Would you like original, teriyaki or peppered?
Walk-in freezer is way below zero for sure.
Wedding dress must change to jump-suit for zero gravity dancing or 'Hoo-Wah!'
Everyone can see their house from here.
Breakfast buffet features powdered toast, bacon bits, dried fruit and eggo's.
Alcohol substituted for ecstasy, cocaine, mushrooms and cannabis to save payload.
No more forgetting to light the candles. Forgot to switch on the LEDs instead.
Whaddya mean we don't get grats on the room rental!
Staff don't get space payday flu.
Annoying invitations that say we're getting married on stardate...
The Vulcans might actually be Vulcans.
Alien jumps out of cake and eats best man."

This was too good, I had to post the whole thing.  Thanks "Dance Dance", ugh, I mean anonymous.

On That Damm Waiter Keeps Taking Away My Drink
BB said:
"Hahaha this is hilarious. I especially like the last guy's reaction. This is not quite what waiter extraordinaire means when he blogs about clearing the table to get people to pay the check, but it is a funny, exaggerated version of this concept.

On Thanksgiving and the Walk-in 14 Top
Amanda said: 
"I just stumbled on your blog, but please oh please, post the complaint letter when it comes in!  You can't possibly leave your readers wondering what lovely vitrol will be oozing out of it."

On 15 Interesting Food Facts
Ribeye said
"I could have sworn that I've eaten more than 28 pigs just in the past 10 years or so! The chocolate stat doesn't much surprise me, though I just don't enjoy a lot of it myself anymore - maybe it's just that I overdid it growing up... I am kinda fat at the moment lol."

On Sweet 16 and the Girl With Mono
Anonymous said:
"Rarely did sweet sixteen parties. I do remember a trend among young girls. If one asked for a vegetarian meal suddenly they were all vegetarian."

On Where Was That Dollar Bill Yesterday That You Got For a Tip Today
Ann Martin Photography said:
"OMG, thats a thought I could have lived without!"

On Our Last Wedding For The Year, Horay
Waiter Extraordinare said:
"I will meet you in about 15 minutes at the pub around the corner!"

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Thursday, December 10, 2009

Our Last Wedding for the Year, Horay!


This past Saturday we had the last wedding for 2009.  A small party for around 90 people but the usual setup and expectations.  All went well with no surprises.  Now it’s time for US to celebrate!

No more:
  • Nervous brides expecting the “perfect day” that they planned since they were 14 years old
  • No more drunk, testosterone-filled grooms with their even more drunk groomsmen
  • No more trying for 25 minutes to get the bridal party lined-up just so we can introduce them into the room
  • No more stupid dance routines by the bridal party as they are introduced into the room
  • No more having to stand for eternity for the bridesmaid’s teary-eyed speech just to have her say how much she loves the bride
  • No more senile old grandpas that need my waiter to cut their food into small pieces
  • No more party crashers from our lounge trying to sneak into the ballroom
  • No more sales chicks giving away-the-farm with all the “no charge extras”
  • No more low-salt, sauce on the side, gluten-free, I want an end cut, special meals
  • No more fighting with the band to stop the song so we can serve the next course
  • Then, no more fighting with the band to get their butts back on stage to start playing again
  • No more DJ’s giving away those stupid Blues Brothers glasses and then having the guests “do the worm”.
  • No more collecting the votive candles or left over centerpieces and bring them back to their hotel suite
  • No more waiting for the now-drunk guests to exit the room at the end of the party
This list can go forever but I’m so happy there are no weddings until next February, I need to stop making this list and go out for a beer…or 2.  Wanna join me?

  

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Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Where Was That Dollar Yesterday That You Got For a Tip Today?

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY 

Have you ever wondered if one of the one dollar bills you got for a tip were ever in a stripper's butt crack?   If not, you're wondering now. 


Have a nice day ..   





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Monday, December 7, 2009

Sweet 16 and the Girl with Mono!





This past Friday we had planned a sweet sixteen party for around 60 people. But when I came in Friday morning, I got a message from our sales chick telling me that the party needs to be postponed because the birthday girl has mono and her doctor doesn’t want her to come in contact with too many people.


So now I got on the phone and cancelled all the staff for the event. What a pain in the butt. When that was done, I wondered, what the hell really is mono? I guess I’m getting too old to remember when I was young and friends of mine got sick themselves but I never really knew what it was (a sheltered boy I was)…


So, I got online and looked up the definition:


Infectious mononucleosis, or "mono", is an infection caused by the Epstein-Barr virus. The virus spreads through saliva, which is why it's sometimes called "kissing disease." Mono occurs most often in 15 to 17-year-olds. However, you can get it at any age.


Wow, I guess the birthday girl was celebrating a little early…

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Thursday, December 3, 2009

15 Interesting Food Facts


  1. A typical American eats 28 pigs in his/her lifetime.
  2. Americans eat 20.7 pounds of candy per person annually. The Dutch eat three times as much. 
  3. Americans spend approximately $25 billion each year on beer. 
  4. Americans spent an estimated $267 billion dining out in 1993.
  5. An etiquette writer of the 1840's advised, "Ladies may wipe their lips on the tablecloth, but not blow their noses on it."
  6. Aunt Jemima pancake flour, invented in 1889, was the first ready-mix food to be sold commercially.
  7. Caffeine: there are 100 to 150 milligrams of caffeine in an eight-ounce cup of brewed coffee, 10 milligrams in a six-ounce cup of cocoa, 5 to 10 milligrams in one ounce of bittersweet chocolate, and 5 milligrams in one ounce of milk chocolate.
  8. California's Frank Epperson invented the Popsicle in 1905 when he was 11-years-old. 
  9. Capsaicin, which makes hot peppers "hot" to the human mouth, is best neutralized by casein, the main protein found in milk. 
  10. Cast iron skillets used to be the leading source of iron in the American diet!
  11. China's Beijing Duck Restaurant can seat 9,000 people at one time.
  12. Chocolate contains phenyl ethylamine (PEA), a natural substance that is reputed to stimulate the same reaction in the body as falling in love.
  13. World wide, consumers spend more than $7 billion a year on chocolate. Annual per capita consumption of chocolate is 12 pounds per person. 
  14. Each American eats an average of 51 pounds of chocolate per year. 
  15. Fortune cookies were invented in 1916 by George Jung, a Los Angeles noodle maker.
To be continued ...
Courtesy of Bit of Fun.com

Next Post: Sweet 16 and the Girl With Mono



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Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Thanksgiving and the Walk-in 14 Top

Ok, the banquet manager has finally recovered from our Thanksgiving dinner buffet in the ballroom.  All went well.  The staff setup beautiful decorated displays with pumpkins, gourds, hay bales, etc…you know, all the seasonal stuff.

Service was going great too.  The hostess was on top of her game, switching tables as needed if the guests stayed later than planned.  The servers flipped tables quickly and without any noise.  The kitchen had enough food (yes I know, what a surprise).  A nice easy (but busy) day ahead.

Then it happened…

I get a call on the walkie talkie from our hostess saying that there is a 14 top that just walked-in and wants to be seated.  WTF…a 14 top?

I calmly walk out of the ballroom and go over to my hostess.  She has the look of despair all over her face.  Apparently she has been following my directions and has been trying to keep to our reservation schedule and not make too many changes.  But this group is insisting to be let in to the buffet.

Just as I go to introduce myself and try to find out who is in charge, some 50’ish woman in high heels walks over to me and says, “Are you the manager”?  What a stupid question, now the fun starts I’m thinking.  “Aren’t you a hotel”? came next.  “Why can’t this woman (my hostess) understand that you need to let me in”?  “You need to accommodate your guests and not shoo them away” was her last complaint on that one long breath.

So now I started…”Why yes, I am the manager, How can I help you”?  This just got her started again.  After listening to her story once again I said, “Do you have a reservation”?  “No I don’t”, she said, “but what’s the difference – we’re here already right”?

“I’m sure you can understand that for a large party such as yours, a reservation is needed to ensure that we can accommodate your group” I said.  “I can’t promise anything but let me see what I can do” came next as I walked to our host stand and the reservation book.  I wasn’t going to jump through hoops to squeeze her 6 adults and 8 kids into the room.  Oh, I forgot to mention that…8 kids ranging from an infant to around 14 years old.  She expects me to find room for 14 people that won’t even be paying full price for their meals?  Yeah right!

Remember, it’s now a little after 2pm and right in the middle of our planned 4 hour seating.  There is a line forming behind these 14 people and they are coming in for the 2pm seating.  I ask the mob leader to please take her group and step aside so the other guests that do have a reservation can be seated in a timely manner.  This got her steamed but I kept going.

“I’m very sorry but the earliest I can accommodate your large group will be at 4pm, our last seating” I said.  “WHAT”? “You’ve got to be kidding me”.  “What are we supposed to do for the next 2 hours”?, came next.  “I’m very sorry but as you can see from the line that formed behind you, that we are very busy today and expect to do over 500 people today”.  “4pm will be the first chance we can seat you”.  “Will you like me to put your name down for then”?, I asked, knowing she never would want to wait.

With that she said “Forget it” and stormed out of the lobby with her possie in tow.  Now listen, if we could have found a way to squeeze the group in I would have.  But I’m not going to jeopardize other groups that did the right thing and made a reservation just to find a home for these 14 people.  It’s hard enough to serve 500 people with no mistakes.  I won’t let a 14 top walk-in mess up my day.

I’ll wait until the complaint letter for that!

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