Monday, September 27, 2010

You Look Like a Jerk When You Dance - Part 2

I wrote a post about the Bride & Groom's first dance that is nothing more than a clumsy choreographed mess so they can show all their guests how "cool" they are with their dancing skills.  They just look like a bunch of dime-store mannequins in an overly starched shirt trying to impress the masses.

Now the new thing I've seen this wedding season (and it's been a long and busy one) is the entire bridal party entering the room to their version of the Soul Train TV show's solo dance routine.

We go through all this trouble to make sure:
  • the glassware is highly polished
  • the table linens are not wrinkled
  • the silverware is straight
  • the lights are dimmed correctly
  • the waiter's uniforms are clean
  • the carpet is vacuumed well
  • all the bride's million-and-one candles are lit
We try to make their special day as classy as possible. 

Then what happens?


When the DJ or band leader announces the first couple from the bridal party into the room, they launch into come convoluted 10 second stupid-ass dance routine.


Couple #1 come out with some jerky stop-motion type movements that look like how the characters from the old TV show Gumby used to move.

 Couple #2 come out with the "fish-hook".  This is where the man comes out first then turns around to find his partner around 6ft behind him.  Then he pretends to take out a fishing pole and "hooks" the bridsmaid in the mouth with his line and then reels her in.



Couple #3 starts with the girl walking by herself for about 10 steps then bends over and grabs her ankles (we all wish).  Then her partner comes racing into the room and leap-frogs over her.



WTF!  Why do they do this shit?  What happened to the "classy high-end wedding" that the B&G and their parents desired for their special day?

Oh, I guess it was only US that had to be classy and high-end.  But they were able to turn it into a drunken frat party before the first 5 minutes are over.

Weddings suck!  I need a REAL job! 




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Brought to you by Banquet Manager at 12:28 PM
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3 comments:

Ms. Attitude said...

I hate this too! Why do people have to be so stupid. If you want to dance out, just boogie out and not do something completey retarded.

September 27, 2010 2:58 PM
Mother of Style said...

If you want a "fun" element to your reception, I think karaoke is a way better route to take.

September 27, 2010 9:04 PM
Anonymous said...

At least they are doing something different than the fucking conga line.
I even saw a conga line on an episode of Mad Men.
I always felt that it seemed that old, even in the early eighties when I first started working in banquets, but I had no idea that it's a cultural artifact like the ymca dance.
Or the bird dance.

We need a list of the worlds worst wedding songs.
There's so many and I still blanch at them to this day.

I'll start the list with Achey Breakey.

September 30, 2010 1:07 AM

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