I've Got 88 Assistant Banquet Managers!

Would you believe it?  So far, 88 different people have signed-up to be a "follower" of this blog.  That's great.  But I'd rather call them my assistant banquet managers 'cause you are with me every step of the way.  Each week, you take part in the pre-shift meeting I have with all the other readers of this blog.

I fill you in on what to expect for the next event, what happened on the last event and how we can do better, and finally you learn about all the crap you need to deal with in this business.  Together we can get thru the day.  For that I've very grateful.

How soon before we reach 100?  I think we'll need a bigger office...

Next Post:  Pet Peeve #2 - Water on the Bathroom Sink

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Taco Toss Puts Man in Jail

FAIRBANKS — Three tacos cost a Fairbanks man $100 in fines, one day in jail and one year probation.

Warren E. Strickland, 31, of Fairbanks, pleaded guilty to disorderly conduct Tuesday for throwing a double-decker taco at a manager of the Taco Bell restaurant on University Avenue.  Strickland said he was upset during the Jan. 14 incident because a taco contained spit after he had been through the drive-thru twice to correct his order.

According to a criminal complaint filed in court, he went into the restaurant and threw the taco at manager Carol Dzimtrowicz, who said it hit her in the face and that she was scared of Strickland. Another employee reported that Strickland threatened to knock him out.

Strickland was arrested at his home driveway, where he admitted throwing the taco, according to the complaint.  Dzimtrowicz said she could not comment. She deferred questions to the ownership company of Alaska Taco Bell Franchises, Denali Foods, which did not return a voice mail.

Strickland said he returned to the drive-thru lane because he had paid for three tacos and received two and that he returned because the new taco wasn’t what he’d ordered.  Then, he said, he found spit in the second newly made taco and went inside to tell a manager.

He claimed Dzimtrowicz accused him of lying and trying to get free food. That’s when he threw the taco that allegedly had been spat upon.

“Unfortunately, I destroyed the evidence (of the spit), or I could have gotten the place shut down,” he said Wednesday.  He feels the criminal complaint misrepresented the incident in ways, such as comparing his dimensions (6 feet 2 inches tall, 250 pounds) to Dzimtrowicz, who is roughly half his size, and making no mention of the spit.

Strickland is barred from any Taco Bell during his year of probation.  He asked during his arraignment Tuesday to be allowed at the College Road Taco Bell, where he said he was treated well after calling a consumer complaint number. He will need a written agreement from the owner to be allowed there.




Next Post: Pet Peeve #2 - Water on the Bathroom Sink

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I Left My Leg In Your Hotel

Hoteliers reveal some of the most bizarre items that guests have left behind.

Wooden Leg

Both Travelodge and Swallow Hotels claim that they have discovered artificial limbs in their rooms after guests have checked out. In one year, between 2003 and 2004, Travelodge says 80 false limbs were left behind in its various outlets.

Banquet Manager says:  How the hell did you walk out of the damm hotel without your leg?  WTF!

Link to original website (just in case you don't believe me).

Next Post: Taco Toss Puts Man in Jail

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Restaurant Refused To Give Man a Toothpick!

The next time you dine out you might want to take your dental floss with you.  For it seems the toothpick has become the latest victim of the health and safety police  -  leaving disgruntled diners with food stuck between their molars.

Staff at a luxury hotel chain are refusing to provide customers with the post-meal dental sticks  -  because they are 'potentially dangerous'.  However, sharp metal cutlery on the table is  -  for now  -  still acceptable.

Retired deputy headteacher John Freeman had enjoyed a three-course meal at the Macdonald Portal Golf and Spa Hotel when he realised he had a piece of rib- eye steak stuck between teeth.  But when Mr Freeman asked the waiter for assistance, he was astonished by the response.  'He apologised but said he was not allowed to give me a toothpick for health and safety reasons,' said the 63-year-old. 'I asked him if he was joking, but he said it wasn't April 1 and there weren't any in the hotel.

'I told him it was nonsense and asked to speak to the manager for an explanation, indicating there were 14 very dangerous metal knives and forks on my table that had been unsupervised for at least two hours.

'The manager agreed it was ludicrous, but assured me there had been a directive from head office not to provide toothpicks because they are potentially dangerous.'

Mr Freeman  -  who was at the hotel in Tarporley, Cheshire, with his wife and friends for the £70-a-head New Year's Eve dinner  -  complained to the Health and Safety Executive. His local council is now investigating.  Pot of peril? Toothpicks

Mr Freeman, of nearby Eaton, added: 'Health and safety and political correctness are driving this country into a corner.  'It just seems ridiculous that a hotel like this would behave in such a way.'  Dentist Ray McNamara suggested restaurants have a roll of dental floss for customers.  'I don't think you can injure yourself with floss,' he added.

However, a Macdonald Hotels spokesman denied there was a toothpick ban, and suggested 'there were simply none available on the night'.  Meanwhile, a seaside resort has cancelled its annual fun day after children were banned from riding donkeys due to health and safety.  Organisers in Llandudno, North Wales, said they were worried they could be sued if a child had an accident.

In November, fundraisers were banned from donating cakes to a hospital appeal for a similar reason.
Hertfordshire-based Friends of Royston Hospital volunteers said they were unsure if all ingredients would be suitable for diabetics.  And in June pensioners in Eye, Cambridgeshire, were banned from holding a coffee morning at a library in case hot drinks were spilled on visiting children.


Do you believe this shit?  Just another example of those bleeding-heart, commie pinko liberals that think they can "protect" us all from the dangers of life.  SCREW YOU!!!

Next Post: I left My Leg In Your Hotel

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Pet Peeve #1 - Dirty Menus

This is the first in a series of posts about some of the "pet peeves" of the Banquet Manager.  Maybe you'll agree with me...

Dirty Menus

I went out to eat the other day, a rarity for me, and it happened again...the waiter gave me a leather-bound menu that had food stains on the inside paper menu.  Doesn't anybody check these things out?  Isn't this on the opening sidework for you waiters?  Does the hostess check these out before the restaurant opens?  What about the manager?

Crap like this pisses me off.  If you present me with a menu that's not clean, how do you expect me to feel confident that the food you will serve me later is clean too?

Well...what do you have to say about this?

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Chicken Filled With Cocaine

The Banquet Manager came across this article while searching the web...thought you may be interested in it.

STERLING, Va. - A close inspection by Customs and Border Protection officers at Dulles International Airport turned up something unexpected. Inside a fully-cooked chicken they found cocaine with an estimated street value of $4,300.

The 60.4 grams (2.3 ounces) of coke was found inside two small, clear plastic bags inside the chicken's cavity.  Officers discovered the white powdery substance during a secondary inspection after a flight from El Salvador arrived shortly after midnight Saturday. It tested positive for cocaine.

"CBP officers have seen many unique narcotics concealment methods, and they all present the same challenges to discover them. Our officers' inspection was very thorough and earned solid results," said Christopher Hess, Customs and Border Protection director for the Port of Washington.

The drugs and traveler, Wagner Mauricio Linares Aragon, 32, of Guatemala, were turned over to the Metropolitan Washington Airports Authority Police. Customs also issued a detainer for Linares Aragon.


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I Want My Steak Now!

The Facts:

A January Wedding
On a Sunday night
Freezing outside
287 people
16 person bridal party
A late bride & groom
13 piece band
Decorations all over the effing place
Photo booth in the room
2 hr cocktail hour...WTF!
Unorganized as can be
Can't get them to line-up for the "big entrance"
Takes 45 minutes to get them in the room

The Story:

Can't fit all this crap in the room.  People pissed-off.  Couldn't get them in the room until after 7:30pm.  After an endless assortment of toasts and speeches, the first course didn't drop until around 8:45pm.  Now the chef is going nuts because not only is the food getting all f#@*ed-up but he's worried his staff will need to stay late to finish this mess of a wedding.  Then he's going into overtime with his staff since Sunday is the last day of the pay period.

People are getting pissed at us saying "I want my steak", "I gotta go home", I have work tomorrow you know".  Well don't get your balls in an uproar at me, tell it to your dumb-ass bride and groom that planned this fiasco.  I've got 4 courses to serve in less than 2 hours for 287 people with tableside wine service and all the other bells and whistles.  I don't really care about YOUR problems.

The Finish:
People get pissed and start to leave around 10pm just as we're dropping the entree.  They want to-go boxes (it ain't gonna happen buddy).  They give us dirty looks, I give 'em right back.  The coat check girl gets stiffed, so does the valet parking guys.  Now everyone is in a shitty mood.  All except the now-drunk and oblivious bride & groom.

As long as they had a good time right?  Wait till they open the envelops and see if their guests stiffed them too.

I need a REAL job!

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Waiter, Is There Fungicide in My Soup?

Scientists in Canada have developed a dipstick that measures levels of pesticides in food and beverages.

The science of biomonitoring continues to develop new technologies to inform governments, industry and individuals about what chemicals get into the environment - and into us - that shouldn't be there.

Most of these monitoring techniques are expensive and complicated, and can take hours or days to produce results. I know, because I have had labs test me for detectable levels of hundreds of chemical toxins--pesticides, metals, flame retardants, and more--for a story published in 2006.


Now a team of chemists at McMaster University in Ontario have published a paper in Analytical Chemistry that describes a new biomonitoring technique using treated paper on a stick that can quickly identify trace amounts of pesticides in your chicken soup, or your first early morning cup of joe.


As reported in R&D:

• The scientists describe the development of a new paper-based test strip that changes color shades depending on the amount of pesticide present. In laboratory studies using food and beverage samples intentionally contaminated with common pesticides, the test strips accurately identified minute amounts of pesticides. The test strips, which produced results in less than 5 minutes, could be particularly useful in developing countries or remote areas that may lack access to expensive testing equipment and electricity, they note.

As these tools for measuring human-produced toxins get easier and cheaper, the collection of data will hopefully provide a clearer picture of the true levels of these pollutants in the environment, and inside us. This also will speed up the effort to better understand how toxins interact with bodies and cells at a molecular level - including the interaction of genes and toxins that may or may not be contributing to a rise in certain diseases such as leukemia in children and brain cancer.

Are trace amounts of pesticides and other pollutants to blame? We still don't know - but developments like this one will help us find out.

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Today's Stupid-ass Coworker Comments

"I don't have that BEO"; as said by the Chef when my staff went to pick up the food for the 20 person buffet dinner.


"I wasn't sleeping boss"; as said to me when I found two of my housemen sleeping on a make-shift bed of 2 chairs each in the storeroom.  This was at 10am in the morning.


"They may come in with a few more people"; said the Sales Chick before 17 more people showed-up for a 25 person event.


"I don't have time for this"; said the restaurant manager when our boss, the Director of Food & Beverage asked her for 4 different reports from the Micros POS system.  I wonder when her last day will be...





Next Post: Waiter, is There Fungicide In My Soup?

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The Wedding Final Detail Meeting

 Ah, the joys of meeting with the bride and groom 1 final time prior to their wedding to receive their menu choices and any other details 1 month before the wedding.  No pressure, very relaxed and civilized.  An enjoyable Saturday afternoon.  BULLSHIT THAT!

I just wasted 2 1/2 hours of my time sitting with a stressed-out bride, a groom that hardly said a word and both sets of parents.  The bride's parents thought that they were professional wedding planners..."We know what we're talking about" is a line that actually came out of the mom's mouth.  Now, I actually know what I'm talking about but would never say it out loud like these pompous asses.

The entire time the bride was arguing with her mom on what specific dressing should be drizzled over her "finely chopped mixed field greens".  Those jerks, you don't chop mixed field greens!  Or she wanted to guarantee that the beef wouldn't be overcooked.  I told her, "Can you guarantee that your DJ will stop and get the people off the floor so the food doesn't sit in the hotbox for an extra 12 minutes turning the med-rare filet into mid-well?"  She couldn't answer that one.

Well, finally around 3:30pm, the painful "stress-free" meeting was over. I excused myself - leaving the sales chick to deal with any of their last effort crap and ran to the ballroom to do my pre-shift meeting with my staff for tonight's 274 person high school winter dance.

That's another story for next time.

Next Post: Today's Stupid-ass Coworker Comment

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15 More Interesting Food Facts

1. Capsaicin, which makes hot peppers "hot" to the human mouth, is best neutralized by casein, the main protein found in milk.

2. Cast iron skillets used to be the leading source of iron in the American diet!

3. China's Beijing Duck Restaurant can seat 9,000 people at one time.

4. Chocolate contains phenyl ethylamine (PEA), a natural substance that is reputed to stimulate the same reaction in the body as falling in love. World wide, consumers spend more than $7 billion a year on chocolate. Annual per capita consumption of chocolate is 12 pounds per person. Each American eats an average of 51 pounds of chocolate per year.

5. Fortune cookies were invented in 1916 by George Jung, a Los Angeles noodle maker.

6. Fried chicken is the most popular meal ordered in sit-down restaurants in the US. The next in popularity are: roast beef, spaghetti, turkey, baked ham, and fried shrimp.

7. Goulash, a beef soup, originated in Hungary in the 9th century AD.

8. Haggis, the national dish of Scotland: take the heart, liver, lungs, and small intestine of a calf or sheep, boil them in the stomach of the animal, season with salt, pepper and onions, add suet and oatmeal. Enjoy!

9. Hostess Twinkies were invented in 1931 by James Dewar, manager of Continental Bakeries' Chicago factory. He envisioned the product as a way of using the company's thousands of shortcake pans which were otherwise employed only during the strawberry season. Originally called Little Shortcake Fingers, they were renamed Twinkie Fingers, and finally "Twinkies."

10. In 1860, 'Godey's Lady's Book' advised US women to cook tomatoes for at least 3 hours.

11. In 1926, when a Los Angeles restaurant owner with the all-American name of Bob Cobb was looking for a way to use up leftovers, he threw together some avocado, celery, tomato, chives, watercress, hard-boiled eggs, chicken, bacon, and Roquefort cheese, and named it after himself: Cobb salad.

12. In 1995, KFC sold 11 pieces of chicken for every man, woman and child in the US.

13. In an authentic Chinese meal, the last course is soup because it allows the roast duck entree to "swim" toward digestion.

14. In the United States, a pound of potato chips costs two hundred times more than a pound of potatoes.

15. Irish cream and Hazelnut are the most popular whole bean coffee flavorings.

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Next Post: The Wedding Final Detail Meeting

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I Wonder What He Sees In Her...

Could it be her charming personality?  Probably not.

What a way to start the new year.  Hope you have fun on your honeymoon!

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Top 15 Reasons Why New Years Eve Sucks...

Here's a rundown of some of the things the banquet manager had to deal with this past New Years Eve:

• 11 tables came in with no reservations and started bitchin' about how they were told they could come
• 1 waiter never showed-up (I'll fire his ass on Monday)
• 2 of my food runners had car trouble and showed-up 2 hours late
• 1 drunken bastard punched two mirrors on his way out of the hotel, left broken glass all down the hallway
• 1 table snuck in their own confetti poppers and shot the shit all over the room (the carpet was a mess)
• Most people were staying in the hotel so the coat check was slow.  The coat room chick moaned, "I gotta work on NYE and won't even make any money".  STFU !!!
• 8 tables showed up around 1/2 hour late.  This messed-up the whole seating chart
• The kitchen couldn't keep up with the food, especially the desserts
• Speaking about desserts, another drunken slob knocked over a large platter of chocolate covered strawberries that went all over the floor.  Then the f*#@er started to step on each strawberry one by on into the carpet.  I threw his ass out.  (But more mess on the carpet)
• The soda gun on our bar got clogged at just the wrong moment.  Needed to run to the storeroom and get the cans of soda
• The band was way to loud.  This wasn't a rock concert guys...
• A 24 top wanted 6 separate checks, some billed to their room, some to a credit card.  WTF!
• The dishwashers were pissed that they were so busy and refused to sort the silverware
• That damm Micros system going down (really, no kidding) around 8pm so I couldn't close any checks for 45 minutes (what a nightmare)
  
• Of course the General Manager had to stick his nose in the middle of everything.  Do me a favor...GET THE F#*@ OUT AND LET ME DO MY JOB!

I need a REAL job!

Hope you had a better night that I did...

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