Monday, November 29, 2010

Some New Updates To This Site

In case you haven't noticed, I just wanted to mention a few new, or newer, things about my little slice of the internet world.

Check out the following areas on my sidebar: 

*More To See Around This Site 

 *Let's See Who Left The Most Comments
Now we can see which of my readers have left the most comments on this site. By the way, who the hell is "anonymous" anyway?  If you go through the trouble of leaving a comment, at least please type in your name. Hey Dance, you came in second!

*What Do You Think
At the bottom of each post you can click on a box that lets others know if you agree or disagree with anything I wrote about in that particular post.  


*Google Followers 135

*Facebook Fans 159

*Feedburner Readers 297

*Google Page Rank 4

*Google Search Rank #1 for "Banquet Manager"

*Yahoo Search Rank #1 for "Banquet Manager" 


Not too bad for a little banquet manager that spends most of his time dealing with a bunch of zany waiters and bitchy brides... 

Thanks for your support!


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Wednesday, November 24, 2010

The Real Story of Thanksgiving

With all the latest big government nonsense, so big that they even literally have their hands down your pants now, it's nice to read about how this great country REALLY started.  Thanks to Rush Limbaugh for this story.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Now, the real story of Thanksgiving: "On August 1, 1620, the Mayflower set sail. It carried a total of 102 passengers, including forty Pilgrims led by William Bradford. On the journey, Bradford set up an agreement, a contract, that established just and equal laws for all members of the new community, irrespective of their religious beliefs. Where did the revolutionary ideas expressed in the Mayflower Compact come from? From the Bible," and this is what's not taught. This is what's left out. 

"The Pilgrims were a people completely steeped in the lessons of the Old and New Testaments. They looked to the ancient Israelites for their example. And, because of the biblical precedents set forth in Scripture, they never doubted that their experiment would work. But this was no pleasure cruise, friends. 

The journey to the New World was a long and arduous one. And when the Pilgrims landed in New England in November, they found, according to Bradford's detailed journal, a cold, barren, desolate wilderness. There were no friends to greet them, he wrote. There were no houses to shelter them. There were no inns where they could refresh themselves. And the sacrifice they had made for freedom was just beginning. During the first winter, half the Pilgrims -- including Bradford's own wife -- died of either starvation, sickness, or exposure.

"When spring finally came, Indians taught the settlers how to plant corn, fish for cod and skin beavers for coats. Life improved for the Pilgrims, but they did not yet prosper! This is important to understand because this is where modern American history lessons often end. Thanksgiving is actually explained in some textbooks as a holiday for which the Pilgrims gave thanks to the Indians for saving their lives, rather than as a devout expression of gratitude grounded in the tradition of both the Old and New Testaments. 

Here is the part that has been omitted: The original contract the Pilgrims had entered into with their merchant-sponsors in London called for everything they produced to go into a common store, and each member of the community was entitled to one common share. All of the land they cleared and the houses they built belong to the community as well." They were collectivists! Now, "Bradford, who had become the new governor of the colony, recognized that this form of collectivism was as costly and destructive to the Pilgrims as that first harsh winter, which had taken so many lives.

"He decided to take bold action. Bradford assigned a plot of land to each family to work and manage, thus turning loose the power of the marketplace. ... Long before Karl Marx was even born, the Pilgrims had discovered and experimented with what could only be described as socialism. And what happened? It didn't work! Surprise, surprise, huh? 

What Bradford and his community found was that the most creative and industrious people had no incentive to work any harder than anyone else, unless they could utilize the power of personal motivation!  But while most of the rest of the world has been experimenting with socialism for well over a hundred years -- trying to refine it, perfect it, and re-invent it -- the Pilgrims decided early on to scrap it permanently. 

What Bradford wrote about this social experiment should be in every schoolchild's history lesson," every kid gets. "If it were, we might prevent much needless suffering in the future." Here's what he wrote: "'The experience that we had in this common course and condition, tried sundry years...that by taking away property, and bringing community into a common wealth, would make them happy and flourishing -- as if they were wiser than God,' Bradford wrote.

"'For this community [so far as it was] was found to breed much confusion and discontent, and retard much employment that would have been to their benefit and comfort. For young men that were most able and fit for labor and service did repine that they should spend their time and strength to work for other men's wives and children without any recompense...that was thought injustice.'" 

That was thought injustice. "Do you hear what he was saying, ladies and gentlemen? The Pilgrims found that people could not be expected to do their best work without incentive. So what did Bradford's community try next? They unharnessed the power of good old free enterprise by invoking the undergirding capitalistic principle of private property. 

Every family was assigned its own plot of land to work and permitted to market its own crops and products. And what was the result?" 'This had very good success,' wrote Bradford, "for it made all hands industrious, so as much more corn was planted than otherwise would have been." Bradford doesn't sound like much of a Clintonite, does he? Is it possible that supply-side economics could have existed before the 1980s? ... In no time, the Pilgrims found they had more food than they could eat themselves. ... So they set up trading posts and exchanged goods with the Indians.

"The profits allowed them to pay off their debts to the merchants in London. And the success and prosperity of the Plymouth settlement attracted more Europeans and began what came to be known as the 'Great Puritan Migration.'" Now, aside from this program, have you heard this before? Is this "being taught to children -- and if not, why not? I mean, is there a more important lesson one could derive from the Pilgrim experience than this?" 

Do you realize what we face with this government is the equivalent of people who want to set up these original collectivists communes that didn't work, with nobody having incentive to do anything except get on the government dole somehow because the people running the government want that kind of power.   

So the Pilgrims decided to thank God for all of their good fortune.  And that's Thanksgiving.  And read George Washington's first Thanksgiving address and count the number of times God is mentioned and how many times he's thanked.   

None of this is taught today.  It should be.  Have a happy Thanksgiving, folks.  You deserve it.  Do what you can to be happy, and especially do what you can to be thankful, because in this country you have more reasons than you've ever stopped to consider.

Enjoy your holiday and give thanks to your family and friends for being around to share this great day with you.  My best to you and yours...
Happy Thanksgiving.


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Monday, November 22, 2010

It's Sunday and You Look Like Shit!

It's Saturday night and all my staff come in on time.  Everyone looks sharp...all uniforms are clean, shirts pressed.  All the guys are cleanly shaven and the ladies especially look good.  Their hair is all fluffed-out (I guess a lot of conditioner was used today), and their makeup was done.  Wow, looks like we're ready for a good night.


Well it's Saturday and tonight is one of our last weddings for the year.  A VIP event, even with the damm bridezilla we have tonight.


The party ends at midnight and we're outta here around 12:45am, pretty quick.  Whenever we have a wedding breakfast the following morning it's amazing how fast the staff can clean a room.


We all punch out and are screeching out of the parking lot to go home.  All except me of course.  I need to do my final walk-thru to make sure all rooms are locked-up.  Make sure all refrigerator doors are shut, the liquor room is sealed tight and all heat/ac is off.  It's around 1:30am before I head to my car.

Now it's Sunday and I'm back at work after around 3 hours sleep and waiting for my staff to show for the 7am call-time.  Surprisingly everyone shows up on time (I break their ass enough about being late so I don't have a problem anymore with that).


But just as I start to take attendance I look around and what do I see?  The scariest looking bunch of waiters I've seen in a long time.


Maria's eyes are all bloodshot.  Suzy's hair looks like a hornet's nest and is all squished into a large clip.  Frank has bed-head and didn't shave and worst of all, Barbara's eyes are all puffy as if she has an allergic reaction to some fish shit.


"What the hell is up with you all?", I ask them.  "Hey Banquet Manager, we didn't get any sleep you know", came back from one brave soul.  "I don't wanna hear that BS, I got even less sleep than all of you and I got my ass out of bed, shaved, took a shower, put on my suit and was the first one in this morning".  "And I'm twice your ages, what's your excuse?", I yelled.


"Shower, who's got time for a shower?"  "I just took my uniform that I had draped over the edge of the bed last night and put it back on before I came in".  "I don't got time for a shower", she said.


I wanted to fire them all.  Now I must go into this breakfast with a bunch of stinky-ass, bee-hive head, puffy, red-eyed monsters that will be dragging butt all morning.


I need a REAL job!

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Thursday, November 18, 2010

Italian Bread and the Old Guys

Two old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on their usual park bench one morning.

The 87 year old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath.

The 80 year old was amazed at his friend's stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy.

The 87 year old said, "Well, I eat Italian bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you'll have great stamina with the ladies."

So, on the way home, 80 year old stops at the bakery. As he was looking around, the lady asked if he needed any help.

He said "Do you have any Italian bread?"  She said, "Yes, there's a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?"

He said, "I want 5 loaves."  She said, "My goodness, 5 loaves .... by the time you get to the 5th loaf, it'll be hard."

He replied, "I can't believe it, everybody knows about this shit but me."


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Monday, November 15, 2010

Is Beer The Reason We're Alive?

From Gawker.com

New evidence could strengthen the argument that the Stone Age domestication of cereals—which in turn led to farming and "settled behavior"—was intended for beer, not food. Yes, that's right: Without beer, there might never have been civilization.
 
It's well-known that beer is the best. But it's not quite as well-known that you potentially owe beer for all of the things you love about civilization, like the iPhone, or not living in a cave. 

The beer and civilization theory, advanced by some archaeologists for a while now, holds that the rise of agriculture during the Neolithic Period of the Stone Age was a result of people's thirst for beer, and not because they planned on using grains for food.

Brian Hayden, an archaeologist at Simon Fraser University in Canada, says that he has more evidence to buttress that theory. For one thing, the archeological finds seem to indicate that cereal composed only a small part of most people's diets, likely because the plants are a pain in the ass to convert to food. And yet, Hayden points out, there are signs that people went well out of their way to obtain cereal grains. 

His theory is that the difficulty of processing the grains made them good for feasts, where difficult, expensive and uncommon foods would have been prized (how Hayden has any idea what Neolithic people were thinking or doing or what they would have "prized" is another discussion altogether). He tells LiveScience:
"It's not that drinking and brewing by itself helped start cultivation, it's this context of feasts that links beer and the emergence of complex societies," Hayden said....

"Feasts are essential in traditional societies for creating debts, for creating factions, for creating bonds between people, for creating political power, for creating support networks, and all of this is essential for developing more complex kinds of societies," Hayden explained.

"Feasts are reciprocal - if I invite you to my feast, you have the obligation to invite me to yours. If I give you something like a pig or a pot of beer, you're obligated to do the same for me or even more."
So, there you have it: Bringing a six-pack to your friends' apartments is just about the most civilized thing you can do. Or a pig. Bringing a pig is civilized, too.

Link to original article

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Thursday, November 11, 2010

Mr. "I Can't Get Up In The Morning"

Time and time again I have let this guy come in late.  I don't know why but I just have.  

He was a nice kid, polite, respectful and everything else.  A pretty decent waiter too but he just had one demon.  He couldn't get his ass outta bed apparently and was always late.  
So after around 2 months of this, and multiple warnings, I fired him today.

What's with this new generation that can't seem to come into work on time?  When we were younger and thought we would be late for work, panic struck.  You started running around the house knocking everything over that was remotely in your way just to get out of the house.

If you normally took the train or bus to work, when you were late you took your car and drove like Mario Andretti.  If you normally walked to work, you now ran or took your skateboard (yes, I started working young).

Regardless of how you got to work, if you were late, you were shamed by your boss and coworkers.  It was your obligation to be on time for work.  And worst of all you knew that after 2 or 3 times of this you would be kicked out on your ass.  And the boss was ALWAYS right!  But that's another story.

Time for me to look for "Mr. I can't get up in the morning's" replacement.

Next Post: Is Beer The Reason We're Alive?

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Monday, November 8, 2010

Does This Really Happen in Your Restaurant?

The banquet manager just read some interesting stuff about some "secrets your waiter won't tell you" and I needed your opinion.  Does this stuff happen to you or does this happen where you work?

What You're Really Swallowing
  • In most restaurants, after 8 p.m. or so, all the coffee is decaf because no one wants to clean two different coffeepots. You'll bring out a tray with 12 coffees on it and give some to the customers who ordered regular, others to the ones who ordered decaf. But they're all decaf.
What We Lie About
  • If you're a vegetarian and you ask if we use vegetable stock, You are going to say yes, even if we don’t. You’ll never know the difference.
What You Don't Want to Know
  • At a lot of restaurants, the special is whatever they need to sell before it goes bad. Especially watch out for the soup of the day. If it contains fish or if it’s some kind of "gumbo," it's probably the stuff they're trying to get rid of. 
What You Don't Want to Know
  • I've never seen anybody do anything to your food, but I have seen servers mess with your credit card. If a server doesn’t like you, he might try to embarrass you in front of your business associate or date by bringing your credit card back and saying, "Do you have another card? This one didn’t go through."
What You're Really Swallowing
  • Skim milk is almost never skim milk. Very few restaurants outside Starbucks carry whole milk, 2 percent milk, skim milk, and half-and-half; it's just not practical.
What You're Really Swallowing
  •  Some places buy salad dressings in one-gallon jars, then add a few ingredients, like a blue cheese crumble or fresh herbs, and call it homemade on the menu. 
What Drives Us Crazy
  • The single greatest way to get your waiter to hate you? Ask for hot tea. For some reason, an industry that’s managed to streamline everything else hasn’t been able to streamline that. You've got to get a pot, boil the water, get the lemons, get the honey, bring a cup and spoon. It’s a lot of work for little reward.
What We Want You to Know
  • Even at the best breakfast buffet in the world, 99 times out of 100, the big pan of scrambled eggs is made from a powder. 

Well, what do you say?

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Thursday, November 4, 2010

Don't Check-up on me with a Squirt Bottle in Your Hand!

Here goes the banquet manager bitching on those restaurant waiters again...

I had off today and took my wife out to lunch at the neighborhood Fridays Restaurant.  The hostess seated us quickly with a smile.  The waitress came over within 20 seconds to greet us (and she didn't even say "how you guys doing today", so my lunch started off on a good note.


We ordered our food that was later brought out quicker than we had anticipated by the runner and it was still piping hot.  Another good sign.  And it tasted great, fresh, spiced well.  Ah...finally a nice meal.

Then our waitress came over to check up on us and asked how our meal was.  All while holding a dirty rag and squirt bottle.  Apparently prior to checking on us she was wiping down a few tables behind me (my wife noticed this).

Can't she do this shit, then put down the Windex and rag BEFORE checking on us? 

Is that asking too much? WTF!


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Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Vote for Heaven or Hell

rWhile walking down the street one day a corrupt Senator was tragically hit by a car and died.  His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

"Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in," says the Senator..

"Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from the higher ups. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity."

"Really?, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven," says the Senator.  "I'm sorry, but we have our rules."

And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.

The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.

Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people. They played a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and the finest champagne.

Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who is having a good time dancing and telling jokes.

They are all having such a good time that before the Senator realizes it, it is time to go.

Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises...
The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens in heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him, "Now it's time to visit heaven.."

So, 24 hours passed with the Senator joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

"Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity."

The Senator reflects for a minute, then he answers: "Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell."

So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell..

Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above.

The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulders.

"I don't understand," stammers the Senator. "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?"

The devil smiles at him and says, "Yesterday we were campaigning, today, you voted.."

Vote wisely today.


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Monday, November 1, 2010

The Banquet "Look"

Last month I wrote a post about a time when the kitchen ran out of pasta for the pasta station on an event.  You'd think those dopes could have taken care of this but of course not.  Then I mentioned what happened when I went into the kitchen to find out what happened.  One of my waiters gave me "The LOOK".  In this case the look was her realizing that those a**holes ran outta pasta.

That post had some great comments about other "looks" that you get in this business.  They were too good to not mention them here:

The wrong cake look
When I realized that pastry had sliced, and plated the wrong cake for the wrong table. 


The "did you really ask me that question look"
That Sales gets when they asked a condescending question.


The "dimwitted prep-cook look"
Did you really just pick that parchment paper that fell on the floor and use it to tray bacon and tell me that it's only bacon

The "I don't care what you do look"
As long as your not stealing and the work is getting done

The "filthy bartender look"
Did I really just see you pull that drink under the counter and use your hand as a strainer after someone said they didn't want any ice in their drink

The "you reservation people suck look"
See this letter confirming a reservation at Christmas buffet dinner for fifteen people I got from a customer on Christmas day that you didn't add to the absolutely full reservation sheet and I had to figure out how to fix it by setting up a fucking fifteen top anywhere it would fit and it's not like it's bad enough I have to work on f***ing Christmas day while you are at home with your family I have to fix your f***ing mistakes on what should be the least stressful work day of the year

Can any of my faithful readers add to this list some of their favorite "looks" that they have seen or given to some other a**hole?  Let's see how many we can come up with.

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