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What Would U Do?

I never understood how bad restaurants stayed open.  

So I've got a question for you... 

Would you keep going back to a restaurant that continually gave you poor service, even though the food was good?

You Cheap Bastard, Pay For The Damm Flipchart!

Sometimes you come across some cheap-ass bastards.  I did yesterday.

We had this 18 person meeting.  U-shape for 18 with a LCD projector, screen and flipchart.  Just before lunch the group contact speaks to one of my housemen that was refreshing the room...she wanted a second flipchart.


Ok, great.  She even told him to wait until they broke for lunch, then bring it into the room.  Jose did just as he was asked.

At around 5:30pm when the meeting was finished, I approached the lady in charge and presented her with the banquet check.  She said it was all ok but wouldn't sign it because we charged her for 2 flipcharts.

"My houseman said that you had requested a second flipchart just before lunch" I said.  "Isn't that right" I added.  "Well yes", she answered, "But he didn't say that we would be charged for it".  "So I need it taken off the bill before I sign" came next.

Do you believe this shit?

I Had Enough of This Damm Snow!

I drive to work in the friggin' snow, fighting to see through my windshield.  Streaks everywhere.  Then it gets too hot inside and my balls are sweating.  Then I turn off the car heater and before you know it, the windshield is freezing-up again.

Then when I get to work I find that some a**hole left the heat off in the office.  Cold as shit in here.  I change into my fancy dress shoes, the snow boots gotta go now, and head onto the floor.  My coffee break waiter is running around with his sweater and jacket still on.  WTF!

The whole place is cold.  The wind is still blowing in through the same door that I've been asking our Engineering Dept to fix for 2 weeks now.  Yeah, I bet their office in the basement is plenty warn...those bastards.

The customers keep arriving late because of the weather, saying that the driving was bad.  Then there is always the group that came in the night before and slept over.  Those shits always come downstairs 45 minutes early and expect their breakfast to be here waiting for them at that hour.  Screw you.  You didn't have to shovel out your damm car this morning you piss-ant!

I'm getting sick and tired of this Winter already, enough.

I wanna BBQ some hamburgers NOW!

I Got Stuck in the Restaurant Again!

I should have shut-up when I had the chance...

Since my department is quiet, I was asked again, to help out in the restaurant last night.  You know that the banquet manager hates to go into the restaurant and deal with those knuckle-heads.

Those waiters & bussers are the most unprofessional group of jerks I've seen in a long time.  But this time they were not too bad.  I guess they got tired of hearing me break their balls whenever I get recruited to help out there.

This time it was a snotty little kid that drove me nuts. 

Not only did this little bastard make a mess of the table, but he spilled his chocolate milk on the floor 2 friggin' times!  Then the brown-haired moth of a kid kept getting outta his chair and running around the table to talk to his "mammaw".  WTF is that?  Was that supposed to be some secret version of grandma?

And the parents...didn't lift a finger to control this kid all night.  

If I did this shit in a restaurant when I was a kid, I woulda got my skinny-ass kicked right there at the table, no kidding.

Finally these folks leave and we assess the damage:
  • 2 glasses of chocolate milk on the floor

  • a badly stained tablecloth that will never come clean

  • French fries everywhere

  • 2 raminkins of ketchup licked-dry

  • 1 napkin full of kid boogers and slobber
I miss banquets... 

Related Stories: 

It's Been Quiet Around Here...

Yeah, that's right.  

The Banquet Manager has had it kinda easy since the NYE rush is over.  All the drunks have gone.  All the balloons are popped.  All the garbage was finally picked-up.  Time to relax.

Time to regroup.  Time to clean off my desk and straighten up the storerooms.  Customers?  Just a few this week.  Nothing much to bitch about...believe it or not! 

So here's a few past posts where I had plenty to bitch about.  Enjoy.


3 Weeks of Hell
  • Pretty much says it all
They Shipped My Ass to Memphis
  • I've got better shit to do then be here man!
I Don't Have Your Camera Lady! 
  • You lost it not me, so stop breaking my nuts!
Fix The F'in Copy Machine!
  • This shit kills me
 My Waiter Poured Liquid Eggs In Her Coffee?
  •  You dumb bastard!

How Was My Valentine's Weekend?



We did a big Valentine's Day dinner on Saturday night for almost 200 people.  Open to the public but with reservations a must.  Here's how it went.

Rented red napkins were never delivered (BITCH!)

Wrinkled linen, spent almost 2 hours ironing (I hate this shit)

2 late waiters (they heard it from me)

4 no show reservations, 11 people total (gotta charge their asses)

Kitchen timing could have been better, they couldn't keep up with us

The sorbet intermezzo was melted, kitchen didn't bother to make sure it was placed in the kitchen with enough time to freeze well (a**holes)

6 people wanted a vegetarian meal, and 1 vegan, even though we advertised the menu on our website and in all our print paperwork (jerks, just eat the damm steak!)

Didn't have enough of an expensive wine that some bigshot wanted (still sold him 3 bottles anyway)

One lady was so pretty that my guy waiters went gaga over her (reminded me of the bride we had last year with the BIG BOOBS)

Room Service was slammed and tried to steal some of our B&B plates (yeah, BITE ME)

Band wanted to eat when they felt like it (no, you eat when I tell you it's time to take a break)

Special dessert that the chef planned to sit high on the plate kept falling over (he was pissed off but did the best he could to fix it)

People left very happy (especially the 5 different couples that asked for their dessert "to-go")

Guess they couldn't wait to get to their hotel room...

Banquet Manager Jobs

As a service to the loyal readers of this blog, I have created a new page on this site to list various info that is helpful in your goal to become a Banquet Manager.  Why you want to do that is beyond me...I guess you haven't read this blog for long enough.

So if you still insist on looking for a job that doesn't pay you what you're worth, and never getting holidays off, or dealing with all the nonsense crap like I do, then here goes.
As I come across more valuable info that will help all you lost souls, I'll add it to this page so keep coming back to check it out.

Click on the tab above titled "Banquet Manager Jobs" to get started. Good luck.  You'll need it!

Damm Raccoon Ate My Prime Rib!

Snow.  As far and wide as your eye can see.  Some places still as high as your hip thanks to the wind.  Small patches of brown grass peek out from the low spots.  Then I see it...  Meat.

What kind of meat?  That's prime rib.  The same left-over prime rib that we tossed in the trash late last night on New Years Eve. We saw our friend Mr. Raccoon hanging around the loading dock then but we were all too tired to worry about him.   It's now around 9am New Years Day and I'm here for the breakfast. 

I see half-eaten pieces of prime rib all around the dumpster.  The garbage bags are ripped into.  They are on top of the full dumpster and sitting on the mountain of snow that surrounds them.  The meat stands out against the still white snow.

Apparently Mr. Raccoon was hungry last night.  He needed to feed his family. 

We we're all here partying, dancing and drinking while Mr. Raccoon was trying to do what comes natural for him.  Feeding his family.  

He didn't care about getting drunk.  He didn't care about dancing to the latest Lady Gaga song.  He didn't care if 2 of my waiters came in late or that the kitchen cooked the wrong veggie for the fish course.  He didn't care that my housemen were here all night trying to get the balloons off the ceiling.  He didn't care that Housekeeping needed to clean up vomit from 11 rooms today.  He didn't care that I was asked to help with doing food inventory today either.


All he cared about is feeding his brood of little raccoons.  

That's ok little buddy.  I'll clean-up your mess.  You take care today.  You take care everyday.  You don't bother anyone.  Your mask hides nothing more than your good intentions.

That's my New Years Eve 2010-2011 memory.  Not the drunks.  Not the loud noise or that I've been up for what seems like 2 weeks straight.  It's Mr. Raccoon.

I hope 2011 is good for him...and all of you too!

Take care friends.