I'm proud to accept this award from the Motion Picture Academ...sorry, I got it wrong.
I didn't win an Oscar but I did win this award. On March 25th I was voted as a Top Career Blog by the web site Blog Front. Check it out.
Who Da Hell is Reading This Blog?
As I come up quickly to my 3 year anniversary of writing this blog (April 7th), I wondered...
Question: Who reads this blog? Why do you keep coming back to my site?
Answer:
You're a waiter (that can't stand managers like me)
You're an ex-waiter that just can't stay away from the business (or couldn't take it and got your ass fired)
You're a chef/cook that really can't stand us banquet managers either and always try to make us look bad (you sneaky bastards!)
You're a banquet captain that loves to hear some of the shit that other people in the business deal with too
You're a college kid wondering about your future and thought "Hey, maybe I'll just be a waiter for 6 months or so...)
You're too damm undependable to get a "real" job and just fell into this business (you lazy shit)
Oh, of course, you're also an actor and need a flexible schedule so you can go to your auditions (yeah right!)
You're a Sales Chick that has a deep-set desire to let the truth be known that you don't have the faintest idea of what you are doing and are so guilty that you need to read about me yelling at MY Sales Chick
You're a wedding planner that is usually more f*cked-up than my Sales Chick and always covers-up her ass by saying, "The bride just asked me for..."
You're just another banquet manager that takes pity on a poor lost soul like me and needs to know that you're not the only one that goes through this crap
Whatever reason it is that keeps you coming back to my little place on the web, thank you. I sincerely appreciate it.
They Shampooed the Carpets Without Telling Me!
Another thing that REALLY steams the banquet manager's ass happened today. I'm gonna slap the piss outta this guy...
They came late last night and shampooed all the carpets. Without telling me dammit! Not that I need to be told everything in this friggin hotel but it would be fu*king nice if someone actually opened their fat mouth and told me since I'm the one in charge of ALL the meeting rooms and had all my rooms setup perfectly for the next 2 days.
Then I come in this morning to see that every room, I said EVERY room, is now trashed to shit! Tables all over the place, chairs bunched-up in the corner, and a damp musty smell fills the air.
Believe it or not, since this is not the first time this shit has happened to me, I ran to my office to turn on my computer. Yep, what do I see? An email from the head of Housekeeping bitching to me, "Why didn't you have the rooms emptied out for the carpet cleaning?" "We now have to pay the cleaning company overtime 'cause the men needed to move all the tables out of the way to clean the carpet", this shithead says.
"If we would have canceled the cleaning last night, they would have charged us more than the overtime so we let them continue", jerk-face ended.
Now, I'm gonna kill this asshole.
I don't bother responding to his email. I march right down to his office in the basement (that bastard deserved to be in the friggin basement), and am ready to blast him. Of course the shit-for-brains is not in. He probably knows he's in a load of trouble with me.
So patiently I wait. In the meantime, my houseman supervisor comes looking for me and yells, "WTF happened last night". "All the rooms are a mess".
I tell him not to worry, I will take care of this crap. "Don't touch a thing Carlos", I say, "just let me know when that sheep-kisser from Housekeeping comes in".
Around 9:30am I get a call on the radio that shit-stain face has come in and was seen walking through the ballroom prefunction area. So off I go...
After I tear him a new one, I go back to my office to finally start my day. I'm comforted in knowing that the entire Housekeeping staff are all heading up to my meeting rooms to totally reset all the rooms. Each and everyone of them, under the watchful eye of my houseman Carlos.
Remember, I mentioned that this is the 2nd time this happened, both times without me being told from Housekeeping's vomit breath manager. How did I get him to have all his staff reset my rooms?
Sometimes it's nice to be on the General Manager's good side. He was my attack-dog today.
I Was Featured Again
FYI...
One of my recent posts, "The Room Was Setup Perfectly", was a featured story on the "Might Have Missed List" last month. In case you haven't read this list on the Breaking Murphy's Law site, it's a list the website posts about their favorite stories on other blogs that are related to business meetings and audio/visual equipment presentations.
Check it out here: Breaking Murphy's Law
A Union Shop Revisited
The other day I overheard two of the Room Service waiters complaining that their boss was breaking their balls about them needing to work harder. Then one of them said "We should get a union in here". "This shit wouldn't happen then" he finished. Yeah sure.
This reminded me of a past post I had about a "Union Shop". Here it is reprinted. Hope you enjoy it again.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Union Shop...
A dedicated Teamsters Union worker was attending a convention in Las Vegas and, as you would expect, decided to check out the local brothels nearby.
When he got to the first one, he asked the Madam, "Is this a union house?"
"No," she replied, "I'm sorry it isn't."
"Well, if I pay you $100.00, what cut do the girls get?"
"The house gets $80.00 and the girls get $20.00."
Mightily offended at such unfair dealings, the man stomped off down the street in search of a more equitable, hopefully unionized shop. His search continued until finally he reached a brothel where the Madam responded, "Why yes sir, this IS a Union House."
The man asked, "And if I pay you $100.00, what cut do the girls get?"
"The girls get $80.00 and the house gets $20."
"That's more like it!!!" the Teamster said. He handed the Madam $100.00, looked around the room and pointed to a stunningly attractive blonde. "I'd like her for the night."
"I'm sure you would, sir," said the Madam, then gesturing to an 85 year old woman in the corner, "but Ethel here has seniority."
P.S. "You gotta love those unions".
Friggin' Daylight Saving Time Kicked My Ass
Who invented this daylight savings time shit anyway? Don't they know that a banquet manager leaves work way too late at night and must usually come back early the next morning to deal with this shit?
I need that extra hour of sleep man. I've got bags on top of the bags under my eyes today. Got home at 2:30am regular time before I realized that it was now 3:30am ('cause I woke up my wife when I fell into bed and she started yelling at me).
We just had a big Chamber of Commerce event here with over 2000 people. I needed to stay late to direct the housemen to flip the rooms and breakdown the almost 100 rented tables and get them back to the loading dock.
Got a friggin' splinter in 2 different hands to boot!
My feet are sore. My staff are whipped. Plus I needed to deal with some a**hole that kept complaining that the room was too hot. There's 2000 people in here you putz! We're crammed in like sardines. What do you expect?
Back to Sunday morning...
Now after going to bed at 3:30am I'm up at 5:15am to hop in the shower (I don't remember shaving but apparently I did before my shower), get dressed and start up my car by 6:30am. I'm at work at 7:15am and see my staff fast at work getting ready for the church breakfast for 115 people we have planned.
Some how they got up and made it in. I'm too old for this shit...
Just Got My Ass Outta Bed
317 person Philippieno wedding last night. Went to 2am. A lot of drinking, and a lot of dancing.
A HUGE bridal party with introductions that seemed to go on forever. When I got home I think I passed out in around 3 seconds.
Just got up this morning at 11:47am. Damm...
Things I Heard At The End Of My Shift Yesterday - Part 4
"I don't give a F^@!, I'm not gonna come in".
- Said by the restaurant waiter that was just put on a 6th day on Thursday due to heavy reservations
- From jerk-ass bartender. Did you make out your req. this morning buddy?
- Yeah, I know it's sexist, but I didn't say it. The sous chef did.
- Something from the angry dishwasher that I couldn't understand
Related Stories:
Yes, Another Post Bitching About a Restaurant Waiter
I had off Sunday so I took my wife and kids out to lunch at a local steak house. The food is always good there and we've never had a problem with the service. Frankly it's always been good. This day was no different but just a few strange things...
We were greeted at the door warmly and seated right away. About 3 minutes go by when a waitress comes over and says hello and takes our drink orders, 3 regular and 1 diet Coke.
She comes back right away and drops down the drinks. I say that we are ready to order and she looks puzzled. "Well I'm leaving for the day but I'll take your orders for Mike", she says. "He just came in and will be your waiter", she followed. "Besides, he's better than me" she said and off she went. That was a strange thing to say I thought.
Our salads were delivered by the food runner and we started to eat. Then a male waiter stopped by after a few minutes and asked if everything was ok. Was this Mike? Or Henry? I'll never know since "Mike" never introduced himself.
This "Mike impostor guy" looked over our table for the rest of our stay but never asked anyone other than my wife "Is there anything else I can get for you"? "Did you enjoy your meal"? "Would you like to see our desert menu"?
I gotta watch this "Mike impostor"...
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