You're Late Again And You're Pissed At Me?

Do you believe this crap? I have a waiter that is constantly late and I have done everything I can to be patient and not fire his ass. I've spoken with him about this. I've asked is there anything that I can do to help. I've then told him that this can't go on any longer. So what happened next?

He's late again and I had enough. I filled out the disciplinary paperwork, the "write-up form" and sent it to HR. Then he has the balls to get pissed at ME!

"I'm not the one that's always late" I tell him. "I'm not the one that can't get his butt to work on time" is next. "I'm not the one that doesn't understand that this won't continue" comes last. "Yeah I know, it won't happen again" he has the nerve to say to me.

"Prove me wrong" I tell him. "If you can come to work on time for the next 10 shifts, I'll rip-up the paperwork" I offer. "If not, you're outta luck and it stays". "Then the next time you're late I fill out the paperwork again". He didn't like that offer.

Are you kidding me? I think I was pretty fair and offered him a chance. Do you agree?

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• We've Always Done It That Way
• Banquet Staff a Strange Bunch
  

Next Post: Another Wedding, More Rain

June Comments

Here are some of the great comments received on this site. Some agreed with my take on things and some did not. Either way, I appreciate your input. Thanks, and keep them coming.

Dance...dance to the radio on Overweight People Are Bad For The Environment said:
Once the anti-smoking lobby wins the war against smokers they'll go after fat people. This is just laying the ground work.
The lifestyle Nazis are fighting the long fight. If they ever win the war against fat people, don't think that the rest of us aren't gonna be next.

That said, when obesity becomes a leading indicator of poverty, something funny is going on.

Schmuckraker on I Don't Like Tap Water said:
Yep, or the whole idea of extra veggie with the meal, dessert.. Soup AND salad. AND DIET SODA!?

Next time someone asks for the bottled water, remind them (especially if they are men) the high amounts of chemicals in the plastic producing female hormone estrogen levels to rise among men. Maybe they'll switch back to the fluoride tap water...?
Or just fill a bottle of water with TAP and see if they notice??

Biz Tone on You're Supposed To Collect The Balance said:
"Enjoy your weekends and holidays off. Enjoy your 9 to 5 days. Enjoy your free lunches with "a client". Just don't expect me to cover your ass and become a banker for you."

I've want to shout this many a times for every reason imaginable! I feel your pain.

Nurainie on Bore My Ass to Sleep said:
Yep. Teaspoons are always the problem. Small enough to get into guests pockets, staff bags and once we found them in the garbage bin...likely culprit being the steward who 1) was getting his revenge on the service staff or 2) to lazy to clean them and decides to throw them away.

Love Your Cake on The Cake Had The Wrong Icing Color said:
Haha that's hilarious. Geezer. Great blog!

Purplegirl on I Tried To Get The Check Signed But... said:
Wow! That's crazy. Did you at least get paid for the non-last-minute arrivals? If not, that's theft of services. In my state after $500 you can sic the police on them. :)

Waiter Extraordinaire on The Old Couple That Got Engaged said:
Where do you get these jokes. That is a real good one. Imagine..

Thanks to all...

Next Post: You're Late Again And You're Pissed At Me?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Reminder:

Guest Bloggers Wanted!

Yes, that's right. Guest blogging month is back and it starts August 1st.

I did this last November and the response was great. Now it happens again!!!

I'm looking for anyone that's interested in writing an original article or story to post on this blog. I've had great success in my short time on the web and think it's time I gave a little back to the people that have made it all possible, my readers.

Rules for submission of all stories:

1. Must be original and not edited, or stolen, from another post somewhere
   
2. Must be funny
3. Must not contain any foul language (at least nothing worse than what you've read here)
4. Must be related to banquets, food, waiters, kitchen, etc.

That's it. I want to add 1 great post each week for the month of August so get your pencils ready and write away. Email all submissions to: banquetmanagerthatsme@yahoo.com. This email address is only open to accept your posts so please, no spam. You have all of July to get your stories in but do it fast...

Preference will be given to the friends I've made so far that are included in my sidebar links as well as all my "assistant banquet managers". But don't worry...if your story is better than theirs, you get in. The lucky winners get their story posted with a link back to your blog. Remember - I have a Google PR 4 and rank #1 in Yahoo. (not a bad link, right?)

Once again, thanks for your support and send me your best story right away.

600 People and No More Beer?

We had this big group here the other day. 600 truck drivers from some union something-or-other organization. Who cares where they're from but I only know one thing...I've never seen so many hillbillys with tattoos and beards in my life.

Some were rough and tough looking, some looked like they just came out of some AAA meeting. Hamburgers & hot dogs were on the menu and we wasted buffet space with 2 salads. What red-blooded American trucker eats a salad anyway?

Then it happened...it was all washed down with so many beers that they cleaned us out. We went through everything we ordered and even the 15 cases of old skanky beer we just never got around to throwing out last month. YUCK!

They were pissed-off and gave the sales chick an ear-full. Hopefully they're too drunk to remember to send the complaint letter to the boss.

I need a REAL job!

Next Post: June Comments

WANTED: Guest Bloggers - Part 2

Yes, that's right. Guest blogging month is back and it starts August 1st.

I did this last November and the response was great. Now it happens again!!!

I'm looking for anyone that's interested in writing an original article or story to post on this blog. I've had great success in my short time on the web and think it's time I gave a little back to the people that have made it all possible, my readers.

Rules for submission of all stories:

1. Must be original and not edited, or stolen, from another post somewhere
   
2. Must be funny
3. Must not contain any foul language (at least nothing worse than what you've read here)
4. Must be related to banquets, food, waiters, kitchen, etc.

That's it. I want to add 1 great post each week for the month of August so get your pencils ready and write away. Email all submissions to: banquetmanagerthatsme@yahoo.com. This email address is only open to accept your posts so please, no spam. You have all of July to get your stories in but do it fast...

Preference will be given to the friends I've made so far that are included in my sidebar links as well as all my "assistant banquet managers". But don't worry...if your story is better than theirs, you get in. The lucky winners get their story posted with a link back to your blog. Remember - I have a Google PR 4 and rank #1 in Yahoo. (not a bad link, right?)

Once again, thanks for your support and send me your best story right away.

Little Known Stuff About The Human Body

It takes your food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.

One human hair can support 3kg (6.6 lb).

The average man's penis is three times the length of his thumb.

Human thighbones are stronger than concrete.

A woman's heart beats faster than a man's.

There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.

Women blink twice as often as men.

The average person's skin weighs twice as much as the brain.

Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing
still.

If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it.

Women reading this will be finished now.

Men are still busy checking their thumbs.

---well, are you?


Next Post: 600 People and No More Beer?

Overweight People Are Bad For The Enviroment

LONDON (Reuters) - Overweight people eat more than thin people and are more likely to travel by car, making excess body weight doubly bad for the environment, according to a study from the London School of Hygiene & Tropical Medicine.

"When it comes to food consumption, moving about in a heavy body is like driving around in a gas guzzler," and food production is a major source of greenhouse gases, researchers Phil Edwards and Ian Roberts wrote in their study, published in the International Journal of Epidemiology.

"We need to be doing a lot more to reverse the global trend toward fatness, and recognize it as a key factor in the battle to reduce (carbon) emissions and slow climate change," the British scientists said.

They estimated that each fat person is responsible for about one tonne of carbon dioxide emissions a year more on average than each thin person, adding up to an extra one billion tonnes of CO2 a year in a population of one billion overweight people.

The European Union estimates each EU citizen accounts for 11 tonnes of greenhouse gas emissions a year.

Link to original article here.

Do you believe this crap? Enough of this greenhouse shit already. If we want to eat until our asses explode, so be it! Just make sure this fatso doesn't come to my buffet...

Next Post: Little Known Stuff About The Human Body

I Don't Like Tap Water, Do You Have Bottled Water?

You're fat ass doesn't like tap water? What about the half-a-ton of Big Mac's you've shoved down your throat over the years? I guess that doesn't count you sweaty bastard.

"Tap water gives me a bad aftertaste" he then says. Aftertaste? Aftertaste? How can you taste anything after you inhale a hamburger bigger than your head? Then you piled-up at least 2 pounds of assorted desserts and washed it all down with a never-ending supply of sugary iced tea.

NOW you want a bottled water...

These family reunions will be the death of me.

I need a REAL job!

Next Post: Overweight People Are Bad For The Environment

The Cake Had The Wrong Icing Color

We just got a letter from the host of a 70th birthday party we had 2 weeks ago. You would think that it was the end of the world for her.

"The icing on the cake was the wrong color" it said. "Green is my husband's favorite color and the green you used was the wrong shade of green" she complained. The wrong shade of green...get the F%#@ outta here!

She went on and on how she felt the party was ruined 'cause all the trouble she went through to get everything just right and to have it ruined by the cake.

All the trouble to get everything right? This was one of the shittiest parties I've ever hosted in all my years of doing this stuff. The DJ sucked and was only there because he was the nephew of the old geezer. The centerpieces were 3 weak-ass balloons tied to a big plastic #70. The menu chosen sucked and had coleslaw as the "featured dish", since it is the birthday boy's favorite dish.

Favorite color green, favorite food coleslaw. This guy has other issues to deal with without his wife going off the deep end like this.

Get over it. Just be happy that you're healthy and are still alive so you can even have a party like this you old geezer!

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Next Post: I Don't Like Tap Water, Do You Have Bottled Water?