Two Guys Are Out Hiking...

A quick year-ending joke for you...

Two guys are out for a long hike one day. They stop to take a rest for a few minutes and just then, a large venomous snake slithers by and bites one of the guys on his "manhood"! "Oh shit, what am I gonna do", says the guy that got bit. His friend says, "Stay here, I'll run to get help and be right back". With that, the friend runs as fast as he can to get help.

The friend keeps on running for about an hour until he finally comes to a small town. All he sees is an abandoned gas station, an old diner, and a run-down bar. Inside the bar he goes and rushes to the counter and screams to the bartender: "Please, please, I gotta save my friend, he was bitten by a snake and he's gonna die!""Can you help me" he asks, "he's my best friend". The bartender tells him, "Don't worry, we get lots of folks around these parts with snake bites, he's not gonna die - I'll help you". "I used to be a doctor many years back you know".

Relieved, the friend asks, "Oh thank you thank you, what do I need to do?" "First, the bartender says, take your two hands and clean the area really well with soap and water. "Then massage the skin around the wound - this loosens-up the poison." "Next, you need to make a small cut between the two holes of the snake's teeth and suck-out all the poison" he continues. "That's all you need to do, just take your time and suck out all the poison". "He'll be just fine in a day or so" he finished.

"Oh thank you, thank you, the friend says as he races out of the bar and back to his best friend. In no time he's back at his friend's side, who's in real agony right now. "Did you get help" the bitten friend asks. "Yeah yeah, I found an old doctor and asked him for help and to tell me what to do" the out-of-breath friend says. "What did he say, tell me tell me" the bitten-one asks.

"You gonna DIE"!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Happy New Year!!!

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Don't Finish Your Plate...Pay 3% More

NYC Eatery Charges 3 Percent For Food You Waste

Japanese Restaurant Cuts Costs, Food Thrown Away By Hitting Patrons Who Have Eyes Bigger Than Stomach

NEW YORK (CBS) ― Your mother may have told you to clean your plate. Well, now one local restaurant is taking that a step further. They're charging customers for food they don't finish.

At Hayashi Ya Japanese restaurant on the Upper West Side it's all you can eat for $26.95, unless your eyes are bigger than your stomach and then -- like the sign says -- it will cost you extra.

When asked if he had ever been hit with a 3 percent charge for packing some stuff up and taking it home, Gene Nadelson of Sheepshead Bay laughed. "No, we are trying to finish everything here," Nadelson said.

Patrons said they don't mind the surcharge because it helps with their waistline. The manager said he implemented the extra cost two years ago to help with the restaurant's bottom line. The manager told CBS 2 HD the main motivation for the charge is to eliminate waste. And cost.

"Tens of billions of dollars are wasted each year on food that is purchased and not eaten," said Joel Berg of the New York City Coalition Against Hunger.

Under the Clinton administration, Berg oversaw a program to reduce food waste. Now, he's the executive director of the NYC Coalition. "Americans would be shocked to know how much food is wasted," Berg said.

It's estimated 27 percent of all food is thrown out, which works out to a pound of food every day for every American. "Most of the food that's wasted ends up in landfills," Berg said. "That's not only bad for the environment; some of it could have gone to feed hungry people."

With food prices at their highest in 17 years, Berg said it's time for Americans to rethink the way they eat. "One little blemish on their food and Americans who can afford to do so, throw out that apple," Berg said. Many chain restaurants, like TGI Friday, are also responding by cutting portion sizes.

"One in six residents can't afford enough food at all," Berg said. "We certainly don't need on the other side of the spectrum fancy restaurants offering ridiculous excess portions." And to cut down on waste in your own home, skip buying produce in those big wholesale clubs and try going shopping inside the pantry in your own house. Make some creative dinner menus use up the extra items and watch the savings add up.

A recent study found roughly 30 million tons of food is wasted each year.

Link to original story: wcbstv.com

"Those crazy New Yorkers...what'll they think of next?"

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Merry Christmas To All

To all the people that have supported this site since it's inception back in April 2008: I wish you and your families a Merry Christmas and a happy and healthy New Year.

All the best.

Banquet Manager

World's First Zero Star Hotel

Wanna get a job here?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

BEDS are on offer for just £6 a night at the world’s first zero-star hotel — based in a converted NUCLEAR BUNKER.

But guests at the no-frills establishment will have to put up with hot water bottles rather than central heating.

And they will be given a pair of EARPLUGS to help blot out the racket from the ventilation system.

Standard beds at the austere Null Stern (No Star) hotel in Sevelen, near Zurich, Switzerland, are military-style bunks. Eleven pounds extra buys a “luxury” room, with “antique” beds from a condemned hotel.

Complimentary slippers are provided for walking across the icy concrete floors — while customers enter a draw to decide who gets the luxury of a hot morning shower. And with no windows, the only view of the outside world is via a row of monitors in reception.The bed-and-no-breakfast hotel began life as an art project by twins Frank and Patrik Riklin.

They turned it into a full-time business when interest grew, and plan to welcome their first guests early in the new year. They could convert 11 more bunkers if the first proves a success.

Patrik, 34, said: “Switzerland has lots more civil defense buildings. We’ve had inquires from all over the world.”

"I've worked some dumps in my days but this takes the cake!"

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Link to original article

Next Post: Don't finish Your Plate...Pay 3% More

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It's Time For The Holiday Parties...

Ah, December. Time to enjoy the brisk fresh air. Time to cuddle-up in front of the fireplace. Time to finally put on those new boots you got from Walmart for $19.95. Life is good. And now, as a banquet manager, it's time for the holiday parties.

Why the F#@& is it called a holiday party anyway?
It's a damm Christmas Party you jerk!

Have we all lost our minds! What makes this a holiday? My idea of a friggin' holiday certainly isn't clearing plates for a month for a bunch of fat s.o.b.'s that keep trying to rub up against their secretaries!

My idea of a holiday is laying my fat ass on some beach in the Bahamas with a babe in one hand and one of those frozen fruity drinks in the other (don't you dare forget the little pink umbrella!).

My idea of a holiday is leaving my socks on the floor next to the bed (the hell with what my wife says!).

My idea of a holiday is being allowed to own a gun so I can "pop a cap in someone's ass" if they try to mess with me or my family.

My idea of a holiday is eating red meat all day (especially from my BBQ).

My idea of a holiday is watching football on my big screen TV without the wife & kids yelling at me all day.

So, my idea of a holiday party is this, call it a CHRISTMAS PARTY dammit!!! Why do we allow all those bleeding-heart, commie pinkos to take away our Christmas? Screw-em' I say. They think that the word Christmas is offensive to some people. "You should be more inclusive and welcome others into this wonderful time of the year" they say. "We should not exclude but include all people regardless of their origin or religion" the same punk tells me.

Inclusive? Inclusive? You wanna be inclusive? You want me to include you in what we should be calling a Christmas Party?

Well, you're lucky we included your fat-ass in the guest list. You're lucky I included you and your buck-tooth, skinny-ass, bleached-blond secretary to the VIP reception that allowed you two losers to slither up to the bar so you can act like a big shot and whip out that crumbled up $100 bill you have been holding onto since the 80's. You're lucky I didn't include you and your "comb-over" during the ass-whipping I gave to the kitchen when they ran out of sushi before.

Ok, ok banquet manager. You see, I'm a little pissed right now. Really, it happens every year at this time. I'm breaking my balls to make these events great and what do I get? A bunch of drunk guests that can't dance and a wait staff that doesn't want to be here anyway.

"I gotta do my Christmas shopping" one says. "Can I take off next weekend, I've got family coming in from Mexico --- they've never seen snow you know" the other one moans. "If I take off, can I go on unemployment for the rest of December" some genius asks.

Oh, December is here. I REALLY need a new job.

Merry Holiday. I mean...
MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL.

Like this post, vote for it on Digg, thanks.

Next Post: World's First Zero Star Hotel

That Friggin' Chef

• The oysters ran out after 15 minutes.
• The bread was stale (and not nearly enough).
• The demi on the filet was too runny and made a mess of the whole plate.
• No food backup at all.
• The caeser salad was pre-made.
• Not enough sliced fruit for the chocolate fountain.

This was how the party went last weekend. This is what I get from my "top chef". The same chef that thinks it's ok to feed the waiters but not the housemen. The same chef that goes to the BEO meeting and forgets to tell the banquet chef about the special chicken meal for the CEO of the VIP group that's in-house. Later, the chef gets his butt reamed from the F&B Director about the special meal.

Well, I need to be thankful for the "little things".

Next Post: It's Time For The Holiday Parties

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9 Break-Out Rooms, They Won't Need Anything

Just another day in banquet paradise...

My favorite sales chick did it again. She booked a small group for 3 days, no big deal. Breakfast, lunch, dinner & all day breaks. Again no sweat. We refreshed their general session room along with the 3 breakout rooms each day, even though didn't use them until around 4pm each day. Then on the last day we got the curve ball.

Around 7am in the morning, we get a call from the Front Desk saying the group wants to know why their breakout rooms are not setup. "We did setup the breakout rooms", I told her. "Well I guess not 'cause the guest is here complaining that his room is not set for his meeting at 8am". I thought maybe I was loosing it and didn't notice that my housemen never refreshed the rooms. I told the front desk chick that I'll call her back after I check it out. So I hung up right away and ran upstairs.

Just as I expected, all 3 breakout rooms were perfect, in showroom condition. What the hell was she talking about? Just then my radio and cell phone goes off. "No no, it's not the breakout meeting rooms it's the 9 hotel suites that they are using for the one-on-one interviews today" she yelled. "What other 9 break-out rooms"? "Where did this come from"?

I race to the front desk to talk to her, expecting to also get badgered from the customer but he left and went back to one of his "9 breakout rooms". Front desk chick says, "Didn't you know about this"? "Hell no" I tell her. "Nobody said anything about this, we even went over this group in the BEO meeting yesterday - NOT A WORD ABOUT IT...

So I yell for my housemen to get a few cases of bottled water, pens, pads, mints, 9 flipcharts & markers, 3 speakerphones, a few extension cords and the rest of my mind that I'm loosing right about now. We get it all set before 8am and the event starts off with no issues.

Guess where I went next? You got it! The sales chick's office. "Did you know about these 9 breakout rooms in the suites? "Yeah, what's the problem" she cracked. I almost put my size 12 shoe upside her head. "They said they wouldn't need anything for these rooms". "They are using their personal sleeping rooms for these interviews, she wimpered (she must have seen the steam coming out of my ears). "Didn't you think to ask a few more questions"? Don't you believe that we are supposed to be the experts and must guide our guests and be pro-active and actually think for them" I yelled. "We're supposed to be better that that" I screamed. "Go back to McDonalds will ya!

When I finally calmed down, I said, "Are they going to want any coffee"? "Oh no, I don't think so" the "rocket scientist" tells me. "I hope not because if they do, you're the one that's going to bring it to them" I shot to her. Then I left.

Guess what happened around 8:45am? You guessed it. Over the radio came the call from the front desk that the group contact wanted coffee & diet Coke's brought to each room a.s.a.p. Very calmly I walked to the sales chick's office and gave her the good news.

As she went running around the back of the house looking for coffee cups and soda, I went back to my office while humming a happy tune. Sometimes life is good for a banquet manager...

Next Post: That Friggin' Chef

A Case of Miller Lite

A quick joke from one of my bartenders...

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Lite for $14.95. Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream. And that's when the fight started.

Cool News...

Hey, check this out. One of my recent posts, Waddda Mean It's Raining In The Meeting Room, was featured in another blog: Breaking Murphy's Law.

This site is run by an A/V tech and graphic designer that does top-notch presentations for a Fortune 100 Company. He he was nice enough to mention my blog on his site so I'd like to return the favor. So for all you banquet managers, please visit Breaking Murphy's Law. You may get some good advice that you can use in your property when YOUR a/v tech screws-up. You know it will happen...

Poll Results: Which Is The Better Waiter?

November was a great month for this blog. I had great response for "guest blogger" month with 5 fantastic posts:
One from a sales manager, one from an ex-chef, one from a waiter, one from a fellow banquet manager, one from a waitress, and the last from a bartender. I hope you enjoyed their stories and will become frequent readers of their blogs.

But there was one bad thing about November; it's the poll I ran: "Which is the better waiter"?
The poll results are:

• Banquet Waiters 7%
• Restaurant Waiters 75%
• Neither, the busser does all the work 7%
• Why, the manager is best, of course 10%

This poll tells me three things:

• My banquet waiters are too busy working to vote
• There are a lot of restaurant waiters reading this blog and they're "stuffing the ballot box"
• Or, I pissed-off enough banquet waiters over the years so they voted for the restaurant waiters to get me back
  

Either way I'm biased for my banquet waiters. Without them I wouldn't still have a job. They deal with my crap each and every day and still come back for more.

Hey, I got an idea...if I start being nice to the restaurant waiters, will they show us some sympathy and vote next time for my banquet staff? Yeah right !!!

Next Post: A Case of Miller Lite