The Story About a Hotel Made of Ice and Snow

If it is possible to build a hotel of ice in a small village 200km inside the Arctic Circle, which strikes the whole world with amazement, then anything is possible. The story of ICEHOTEL is indeed a fairy tale come true.

The free flowing Torne River is the origin and artery of ICEHOTEL. From the river, the ice of ICEHOTEL is borrowed each year. And it is here, on the river shores in the village of Jukkasjärvi that our story...

...blah, blah, blah. Just watch the video.



Pretty cool, huh? HA!!!

Next Post: I Had My Emergency Suit On That Day!

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Did You Ever Wonder...

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these pink dangly things here and drink whatever comes out?"

Why do toasters always have a setting so high that it could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

If Wile E. Coyote from the Road Runner show had enough money to buy all that ACME stuff, why didn't he just buy dinner?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

If illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there, I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes out of its butt."

I was just wondering...

Next Post: The Story About A Hotel Made Of Ice And Snow

You Went On a Job Interview Dressed Like That?

Since we’re slow now, I’ve been spending my time sorting through the countless online job applications I received for waiter and houseman positions. I need to hire a few more people so we can be ready for March and April when we get busy. Here’s a snapshot of what I get:

*Job Title: Experienced Banquet Waiter
Past Experience: Worked in Burger King for 2 years

*Job Title: Professional Server
Past Experience: None but I pick-up things quickly

*Job Title: Experienced Banquet Waiter
Past Experience: I’ve worked at a summer camp as a kid serving food to
the counselors

Come on, give me a break. Anyway, I finally sorted through all the junk until I found a few good people to call, 8 waiters and 3 housemen. That’s it from around 45 applications. I still felt good about it. I looked forward to getting a few more good people to boss around, uh I mean work with. I called them up and made the appointment for the interviews for 3 people and left messages for the other 8. Ok.

Here’s what happened:

Eight waiters & housemen applicants I called never even called me back. So much for the bad economy and so many people out of work. I was able to see 2 waiters and 1 houseman. Better than nothing.

On Tuesday I met with my first potential new banquet waiter. She arrives 25 minutes late and looked like she just got out of bed. She’s waiting for me in the restaurant wrapped in a purple sweater that had fuzzy balls all over it. Her hair was up in a bun, no makeup, and she had on black nail polish. A wonderful start to my day. I already decided to not hire her but didn’t want to be rude and still went along with the interview. She had no banquet experience -only worked in a restaurant. She never even carried a tray! NEXT!!!

Potential waiter number 2 shows up. What a nightmare!!!
She wore work boots and jeans, a big puffy jacket that she never took off, had streaks of orange through her hair. What a mess. Oh, I forgot to mention the 9 earrings in one ear. The other only had 2 (lord knows why). She did her best to conceal the tattoo on her neck and the one on her wrist. I thought the first one was bad…now she looks like a queen compared to this one. NEXT!!!

Finally, potential houseman 1 (and only) shows up. Seems like a good kid but he’s wearing ripped jeans, got one of those 80’s rockband haircuts, and spent more time playing with his multi-million dollar cell phone than looking at me. NEXT!!!

Don’t get me wrong – I don’t want to pre-judge anybody. They all seemed like decent people that were just looking for a job. The problem is that I can’t put people like that on the floor if they don’t even care enough to “dress-up” for a job interview. What's with these people now-a-days? My mother would have slapped me upside my head if I ever went on an interview like that. Good for mom.

I had the pleasure of having this post featured on the website DietrichDuke.com. Check out his site. You'll be glad you did.

Next Post: Did You Ever Wonder?

A Shoutout To All My Assistant Banquet Managers

I wanted to take a moment to thank all the people that "follow" this blog with the Blogger Follow feature. But I prefer to call them my Assistant Banquet Managers.

They're not followers, they're leaders. Leading the charge to find out the next B.S. that happens to me.


Please congratulate them and visit their blogs as well.

1. Lone Waitress - My first assistant that rants about her 10 years in the business.
   
2. Main BQT Coordinator - No blog but a loyal assistant.
3. Waiter Extraordinaire - A certified sommelier, waiter, manager & teacher. Whew!
4. Chef E - An active chef, writer and poet with a southern upbringing.
5. The Brain Twinkey - The land of a cream filled cranium
   
6. Cait - Writes about her semester in Antwerp but loves server blogs, and mine too.
7. Mike The Waiter - Restaurant waiter stories and humor.
8. Hungry Hungry Hipster - Not really a hipster, just an offbeat introvert with an appetite.
9. Restaurant Rage - Will take you by the hand and pull you into the world of customer service.
10. Memoirs of a Wedding Planner - She loves, loves, loves weddings.
11. Confessions of a Wedding Diva - 16 years of DIVA experience.
12. Opulent Planning - A fashion forward professional with style.
13. Simply Dazzling Events - Wedding advise plus lifestyle candy.
    

Well, that's my first 13 "assistants" but I always have the need to hire more. So, fill out an application and be part of the team. I don't pay benefits, I don't give sick days but will usually have you coming back for more. Join "So You Want To Be a Banquet Manager" and I'll give you and your blog a shout-out in an upcoming post. Thanks.

Next Post: You Went On A Job Interview Dressed Like That!

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A 10 Year Old's Love Story

Just a little chuckle for Valentines Day...

Little Bruce and Jenny are only 10 years old, but they know they are in love.

One day they decide that they want to get married, so Bruce goes to Jenny's father to ask him for her hand. Bruce bravely walks up to him and says, "Mr. Smith, me and Jenny are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage."

Thinking that this was just the cutest thing, Mr. Smith replies, "Well Bruce, you are only 10. Where will you two live?" Without even taking a moment to think about it, Bruce replies, "In Jenny's room. It's bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely."

Still thinking this is just adorable, Mr. Smith says with a huge grin, "Okay then how will you live? You're not old enough to get a job. You'll need to support Jenny."

Again, Bruce instantly replies, "Our allowance. Jenny makes five bucks a week and I make 10 bucks a week. That's about 60 bucks a month and that should do us just fine."

Mr. Smith is impressed Bruce has put so much thought into this. 'Well Bruce, it seems like you have everything figured out. I just have one more question. What will you do if the two of you should have little ones of your own?"

Bruce just shrugs his shoulders and says, "Well, we've been lucky so far."

Mr. Smith no longer thinks the little shit is adorable.

Next Post: A Shout-out To All My Assistant Banquet Managers

They Drank From The Ice Carving?

Well, it’s not what you think. Last weekend we had an ice sculpture (ice carving to many of us) at the wedding. It had cutouts for 6 bottles. It was billed as a “vodka sculpture”. We were asked to place 6 bottles of vodka in it and display it during the cocktail hour. Then we had to bring it to the ballroom for the main reception (another sales chick fiasco).

I didn’t want to put empty bottles inside ‘cause it would look tacky and we didn’t have dummy bottles. So I put 2 bottles of Absolute, 2 of Stoli Orange, and 2 Stoli Raspberry inside. Normally we would have put more premium brands but this is what the bar called for.

Anyway, we dressed-up the rolling table with colored linens and back-lighted it. Then we decorated the table with some lemons & limes and other stuff…it looked really nice. Into the cocktail hour next to the bar the ice carving went. No issues.

When the cocktail hour was over and all the attendees left, we rolled the now melting ice carving to the ballroom and it took its place of honor next to the bar again. No issues.

Midway during the party came the usual calls for “shots” from the bar. We don’t allow shots at our property and we’re pretty strict with this. Yes, yes, I know there are ways around this but that a story for another day. After we pissed off enough people by saying no to the shot requests, we noticed a crowd of around 15 people laughing and having a good time. Guess where they were standing?

At the vodka sculpture of course!!! They had opened three bottles of vodka and were helping themselves to shots right from the sculpture AND they were taking the glasses right off the back bar and were scooping the ice from the base of the sculpture and putting in their glasses. Real classy folks. Oh, did I forget to mention that they were all cops? I wanted to slap them all like a red-headed stepchild!

Now, I have around 15-17 cops all taking shots of vodka from our display and they keep inviting more people over. And of course the groom is in the middle of all this…What do I do?

I ran downstairs to the storeroom, found a bunch of empty bottles of vodka (I didn’t care what brands they were at this point) and ran upstairs. I told the bartender that came into the kitchen, “As soon as they leave the ice carving, take all the bottles out and put in these empties”. He said, “That’s if there’s even any vodka left in them”. Good point. So off he went.

You know what happened next. The bartender comes back after 10 minutes and says “The groom is pissed we put the empties in the sculpture, he wants them back right now”. Just then, the sales chick walks over and we fill her in on the story. I asked her “Were we expected to allow them to do shots from it”. She did her best impression of a tree stump and said “Well I’m not sure”. “What do you mean you’re not sure”? “You sold the damm event, what did they want”, I yelled.

“Well, I told the bride that we can’t do the vodka slide”, she whined. “Listen, I said as I was becoming increasingly pissed, “You need to go out there and talk to them”. “I’m not putting any more liquor in that friggin’ thing, no shots remember”?

Off she goes with her tail between her legs. I move onto getting ready to serve the next course and try to calm down.

Later on she returns saying, “I just spoke with the bride and she KNOWS there is not supposed to be any shots and the ice sculpture is only for display”. “He’s still pissed”. “The groom will have to get over it”, I say. Then I realize it’s time for the entrée to come out and I find out the kitchen shorted us 27 salmon. On to the next issue…

I need a REAL job!

Next Post: A 10 Year Old's Love Story

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Stumble It!

Vacuum Under The Table Dammit !!!

At my hotel, the Housekeeping Department ladies vacuum the floors not my banquet housemen. My guys have enough to do with moving all the lumber (that's tables & chairs to you that are not in the know).

Anyway, they are the laziest and sloppyiest bastards around. Sure they vacuum around the room but almost never go under the f@^&ing buffet tables. WTF !!! They're about as useful as buttons on a dishrag...

We always reset the linen on the buffet tables if we don't need to move them so we can leave the room in "show condition". Then the next day or so when we move the tables to reset the room, there's a mountain of moldy shit on the carpet. Ugh, I can't stand that crap.

Who can I call to bitch-slap about this?

Next Post: They Drank From The Ice Carving?

Stumble It!

Oh Shit...Yesterday Was Groundhog Day!

I missed it, oh shit - what am I gonna do!

Who gives a damm, certainly not me!
All you jerks in the top hats, don't you have a job! This groundhog shit is as useful as buttons on a dishrag.

This really pisses me off.

Next Post: Vacuum Under The Table Dammit!

You Gotta Staff This!

“You gotta staff this” she says. “I don’t believe they booked this crap in my restaurant”, her tirade continued. “What’s the big deal” I told her. “Let your waiters make a few extra dollars – they’re here anyway”, I shot back.

Here’s the story:

We did a corporate dinner the other day for around 150 people. The party finished at 11pm. Full bar, plated dinner with table-side choices, the usual stuff. All went well. A few days before this, the sales chick puts out a BEO for an “after party” for this group to be held in the restaurant for 50 people from 11pm – 12:30am.

It was Friday night. There was a consumption bar planned plus 3 chaffers of finger food. The food was to start at 11:30pm and finish at 12:30am. Easy as pie. But NNNOOOOO!

All I heard was bitching & moaning from the restaurant manager about why the restaurant had to staff this. Here’s some of her whiney complaints…

• We finish at 11, now we gotta stay until after midnight!
• How much are they gonna make for this crap?
• Why did they book this in my restaurant?
• It’s on a BEO, that means its banquets, right?
• Who am I gonna get to work it?
• Where am I supposed to put the food?
• How do we setup the buffet?

Do you believe this nonsense? I got tired of hearing her bitch so I said, “Do I need to pull staff from my event just so they can setup your 1 table buffet”? “Why is this such a big deal”, I shot back.“You’re staff doesn’t leave here until almost midnight anyway right”? They need to do their closing sidework before they go home anyway – so let them stay a little longer and make a few dollars more”. “They do closing sidework each night, right”? “Plus, you know you’re here until “last call” at 12:30am on most Friday’s regardless, just set it up”. By now I couldn’t take her.

At this point, her head was spinning with “all the work she had to do”. She looked as nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full o' rocking chairs. I walked away to let her fester in her misery, waiting for her to start crying (she was already cursing like a truck driver). We’ll see what happens later. I didn’t get involved after that, if she wanted my help I would have jumped in but I was never asked.

When my dinner was over I walked into the restaurant to see what they setup - one six foot table right inside the restaurant door with 3 chaffers and a plate with forks on top. Then some bev naps, a little mustard for the chicken fingers and that was it. If we ever setup a buffet like that the F&B Director would flip his wig!

Wadda ya gonna do? Ah, the trials of a restaurant manager and the joys of a banquet manager.

Next Post: Vacuum Under The Carpet Dammit !!!

Stumble It!