Where's The Milk!

Waiter comes in at 5am to setup the breakfast buffet. After lugging 4 chaffers & all the silverware, plates & decorations to the room, she does her best to make everything look nice for the first day of this group's stay with us.

Then she goes to get the coffee that has already been made and sets the urns on the buffet. Ok, all went well with no issues. Pretty good for an early Monday morning. The last thing is to get the butter then the milk for the coffee. She goes into the refrigerator, grabs the butter but can't find the milk.

After moving half the crap inside the walk-in, she only finds 2 beat-up containers of skim milk. No, no, that won't do. She already wasted around 10 minutes looking for the milk but no luck. Ok, someone screwed-up. "I'll just go to the restaurant and see if I can borrow some from them" she thinks. When she gets there she can't find any milk there either. All she finds is those waiters bitching and moaning about them having no milk either. WTF !!!

Where's the damm milk !!! Why can't anybody keep enough milk in the friggin' hotel to get through the weekend and still have enough for Monday morning breakfasts.

This is the shit that pisses-off my staff, and me. We gotta kick some ass over this...

Next Post: The Bullfight Special

Related Stories:

• There's No More Bread?
  

Congress ‘Hypocrisy’ on Company Trips Irks U.S. Hotel Industry

I try my best to not talk about politics in this blog but this story from Bloomberg.com got my attention. Read it here...

By Lorraine Woellert
Bloomberg.com

March 23 -- The U.S. Senate last month passed a measure limiting “luxury” spending for corporate travel by recipients of federal bailout funds. Two weeks later, about two dozen senators of both parties left town for political meetings on the Florida coast.

Hotel-industry leaders are seizing on those trips as ammunition in a campaign to get lawmakers and the Obama administration to tone down the rhetoric against business travel, which they say is adding to their economic difficulties.

“It’s just the hypocrisy,” said Frank Fahrenkopf, a former chairman of the Republican National Committee who is president of the Washington-based American Gaming Association, one of the groups urging politicians to moderate the criticism. “We’ve got to have Washington stop beating up on us.”

On March 11, hotel executives including Jonathan M. Tisch, chairman of New York-based Loews Corp., which operates a chain of 18 hotels in North America, Bill Marriott, chairman of Bethesda, Maryland-based Marriott International Inc., the biggest U.S. lodging chain, and Jay Rasulo, chairman of Walt Disney Parks and Resorts, a unit of Burbank, California-based Walt Disney Co. that operates its theme parks, met with President Barack Obama and three Democratic senators to express their concern.

Cancellations

The executives said the political attacks are having a broad effect on their business -- even though the restrictions are intended to apply only to recipients of federal bailout money -- and cancellations have been increasing as the rhetoric heats up.

“We’ve seen companies cancel meetings last minute, leaving 100 percent on the table just to avoid criticism and ridicule,” said Frits van Paasschen, president and chief executive of White Plains, New York-based Starwood Hotels & Resorts Worldwide Inc., the third-largest U.S. lodging company, who attended the White House meeting.

“We’ve also seen meeting planners move meetings from resort locations to city locations, at a greater cost to their companies, again, for optics’ sake,” he said.

Read full story here.

Related Stories:

• The Government Can't Run a Restaurant
• Jonathan Tisch Going Down the Ladder
  

That's a Complicated Order Sir...

A guest in a posh hotel comes down to breakfast and called over the head waiter and read from the menu “I’d like one under cooked egg so that it’s running, and one over cooked egg that it’s tough and hard to eat.

I’d also like grilled bacon which is a bit on the cold side, burnt toast, butter straight from the freezer so that it’s impossible to spread, and a pot of very weak, lukewarm coffee”.

That’s a complicated order sir”, said the bewildered waiter. “It might be quite difficult”

The guest replied sarcastically, “It can’t be that difficult because that’s exactly what you brought me yesterday!”

This joke was stolen from The Laughline.

Next Post: Congress Hypocrisy on Company Trips

1952 Waiters

I just came across this old photo of banquet waiters in the kitchen of the Hilton Hotel in Chicago 1952. Pretty cool, huh? I wonder if they were serving the "Rat Pack". Or maybe Al Capone...


Next Post: That's a Complicated Order Sir

Make Sure The Buffets Are Fantastic

Don't you love it when the boss drives you nuts about you having to make this event "perfect" or that event "your best"? Enough already will 'ya.

In came this high-profile group that had a welcome reception for about 125 people. All the usual carving & saute stations, etc. Well, you would think the king of the world was coming in for this event. "I don't care what you need to do, just make sure you WOW them with the look of all the stations and put your best servers on" he says. Ok, that's all I need to know.

All my servers are "the best", well not really, but I did schedule the best ones for this event. Then I went to a few stores and bought some additional decorations, real classy ones, not those stuffed chickens or fake vegetables shit. I had one of our sales chicks order some beautiful linen too to offset the overall black color theme as the guest wanted.

Fast forward to the end...

We setup all the stations with a black theme and highlighted with the special gold linen I ordered and new "props". In comes the boss - "Wow the buffet looks great, good job banquet manager" he says. "Thank you bossman" I proudly shot back. Then he drops the bomb, "Where did you get the gold linen and stuff from"? "Well you wanted everything to look great so I bought a few new decorations and rented the gold linen for today", I'm glad you like it.

"Why did you do that"? "Did I say you can buy anything"? "Do you now expect me to pay for this stuff"? Why didn't you try to borrow linen from the place down the street"? He shot this crap to me as quick as the words could fly outta his mouth.

"You said this was such a VIP event and you wanted it perfect" I moaned. "How the heck can I do that without some extra stuff"? I kept at it. Then he storms away, but not before his last bitch-off..."Look, it all looks great but don't try to give me any receipts for this crap". That's no way to treat the banquet manager...man, I felt like I got caught between a dog and the fire hydrant!

Do you believe this shit?

Next Post: 1952 Waiters

Carol Has a Verbal Diarrhea Problem

Thursday's edition of Hells Kitchen had some great one-liners. Here are just a few:

• What is that?
• You're sinking
• I wanna be a fu@king chef!
• Where's the blasted wellington?
• C'mere you!
• Robert is just an a^^hole
  
• Well then run with it
• You're not a leader
• I'm about to loose my fu@king cool
• I wouldn't be sorry I'd be embarrassed
• You're fu@king next!
• He sucked every dinner service
• I'm tired of you're emotional bullshit
• You're a moron
• Is there love in the air?
• Piss poor attitude
• The girl is fu@ked-up in the head

And my favorite...

• If you win this I will hang-up my coat and become a crack whore!
  

I'm glad I'm in Banquets...that restaurant stuff is B.S.
This show gets better every week.

Next Post: Make Sure The Buffets Are Fantastic

Related Stories:

• Hell's Kitchen TV Show Can't Serve Food
• 13 Things Your Waiter Won't Tell You
  

First a Robot Waiter Now a Robot Bartender?

February 20, 2009

AUTOMATIC teller machines revolutionized the way we do our banking. Now a mechanical waiter could revolutionize the way we drink.

Four card-operated machines which dispense wine are the showpiece of Brisbane's latest venue, Fifth Element, a combined wine-bar, bottleshop and restaurant which will open at South Bank, Australia today.

Customers use a debit smart card activated at the bar to order their choice or try something new from a selection of 56 wines, including Australia's world famous Grange Hermitage.

There are three glass sizes - taster, half glass or full size. "The machine will fill it to the chosen level, automatically adjusting the amount of credit left on the card," said retail manager Steven Powell.

Imported from Italy, the Enomatic has already proved popular in the US and Europe. Patrons can chat with staff for recommendations on which wines to try. Mr Powell said the four machines would offer 24 whites and 32 reds.

"They encompass a vast array of styles and countries, focusing on the strength of each country. The lion's share go to Australian producers." An average glass of wine will typically be about $9-$12 but prices for tasting glasses start from as little as $1.25. A tasting glass of '88 Grange Hermitage is $18, while a full glass of the famous wine is $110.

"It's a way to be able to try before you buy - especially if you're thinking of buying an expensive wine. It reduces the risk of disappointment."

Link to original story.

Next Post: Carol Has a Verbal Diarrhea Problem

Related Stories:

• There Are Robot Waiters After All
• Fast Food German Style
• Bacon Alarm Clock
• A $15 Tip on a $1400 Wine Order
  

Share Like this story? Share it with your friends and family on Facebook. Share

What's With All The Irish Taking Off?

Now, listen...I'm not Irish and I certainly don't have anything against them. But why the hell do they NEED to take off on St. Patrick's Day? It may be a national holiday in Ireland but not here. I never knew we had so many Irish working for my hotel until today. Here's who called-out sick or requested off:

• 1 Room Service waiter
• 1 Restaurant Manager
• Front Desk agent
• 2 Bartenders (it figures)
• Even our regular UPS driver

What if I was from some country that celebrates putting an animal's bone through my nose for example. I'd take a boat to the good 'ole USA and when that bone-in-the-nose holiday comes up I take the day off and walk the streets with a deer leg up my nose. WTF !!! When do the banquet managers get the day off...

Now get back to work !!!

Next Post: First a Robot Waiter, Now a Robot Bartender

Related Stories:

• They Drank From The Ice Carving
  

17 Reasons To Allow Drinking at Work

1. It’s an incentive to show up.
2. It reduces stress.
3. It leads to more honest communication.
4. It reduces complaints about low pay.
5. It cuts down on time off because you can work with a hangover.
6. Employees tell management what they think, not what management wants to hear.
7. It helps save on heating costs in the winter.
8. It encourages carpooling.
9. It increases job satisfaction because if you have a bad job, you don’t realize it.
10. It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work.
11. It makes fellow employees look better.
12. It makes conversations easier.
13. It promotes honesty.
14. It makes the cafeteria food taste better.
15. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they are wasted.
16. Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable.
17. Suddenly, farting during a meeting isn’t so embarrassing.

Do you have any more reasons to add?

Share Like this story? Share it with your friends and family on Facebook. Share

My Newest Waiter

Well, I finally hired a new waiter from that bunch of applications I had. I looked forward to seeing her work for the first day.

See arrived to work on time, even 15 minutes early. Looked good, actually kinda cute. Said all the right things, got along with the other waiters...hey, maybe I got lucky with this one. No time to train her before putting her "on the floor". I just assigned her with one of my captains and stood back to watch.

She set the tables pretty well, even had the silverware straight. Knew how to fold a napkin and carry a tray. Then I noticed a few problems:

• When she went to get the special kids chicken finger meal from the kitchen, she forgot to get ketchup too. (ok, a rookie mistake or she didn't know where the ketchup was stored)
• She left a few knives on the table when she cleared the plates (ok, another rookie mistake, maybe)
• She then kept dropping silverware as she walked to the breakdown station (nerves?)
  
• Then the best one -She cleared glassed from the table by putting her fingers inside the glass and holding 3 at a time (this one I gotta fix).

Ok, she's not perfect and I have some work, and training, to do with her. But, she is kinda cute...

Next Post: 17 Reasons To Allow Drinking At Work

Related Stories:

• I Only Work Wedding, He Says
  
• You Went On a Job Interview Dressed Like That?
  

Banquet Staff, a Strange Bunch...Revisited

I was looking over a few of the first posts I wrote on this blog when I came across one of my favorites. It's as timely now as it was when I first wrote it last May.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Don't you get tired of listening to the B.S. you get from the typical banquet waiter?

The same lame excuses, or justifications as to why they didn't do something, why they're unhappy or why they didn't make enough money. I thought I would list a few for you. See if you ever heard any of these...

• I forgot I was on the schedule.
• Frankie said he was going to pick me up, it's not MY fault I'm late.
• I thought she WANTED the fish!
• Esteban's my partner. He was in charge of the coffee!
• I can't find any more tongs!
  
• You don't care about us!
• Where's my wine key? How should I know there was wine with this dinner?
  
• Why do I always get mopping the floor as my closing assignment?
• You always give me the tables in the back!
• There's no clean silverware!
• I'm gonna talk to the G.M.
• Didn't Maria tell you we switched our shifts?
• How many vacation days do I have left?
• But it's only a small stain...
• You can't change my schedule like that. I'm calling the union!
• I left my shoes in Jose's car yesterday. But at least these sneakers are black...
• But I have more seniority!
• I couldn't find the Equal.
  
• I'm not staying unless you make Sonya stay too!
• There's was only a few people left. I thought the chaffer had enough food...
• Vanessa's talking crap about me. You gotta tell her to stop!
  
• I thought I was supposed to come in at 3pm.
• I didn't see the water on the floor!
  
• But Heather (the sales manager) said it was ok to shut down the buffet.
• You can't write me up for THAT!
• Don't blame me. I didn't take any napkins from the restaurant!
• That's not my problem, you gotta pay me on the regular price!
  
• I forgot my uniform at home.
• I forgot my name badge at home.
• I forgot my brain at home...

Do you have any to add to this list?

Next Post: My Newest Waiter

Some Great Comments

Thanks for all your great comments...keep them coming.

On "They Drank From The Ice Carving"
In The Weeds said:
"Hello! Waiter types! Banquet guy. This is fricken awesome this site. In my real life, I'm a photographer who is just now getting into the wedding business. SO glad I found your blog. I'm realizing the wedding business is SO intense, I used to teach high school so I can pretty much take anything!"

On "A 10 Year Old's Love Story"
Mike The Waiter said:
"At some point, we've all been lucky so far ... it's those "one-time screw-ups" that will kill your batting average every time!"

On "What's On Those Hotel Bedspreads?"
Biz Tone said:
"I just got back from an over night stay in different city. I'm glad I read this AFTER and not before! (although, honestly... I did think about)."

On "The Bride That Couldn't Make a FloorPlan'
Sire said:
"Are you kidding, it sounds like the job from hell. I've been to a fair few weddings and have never come across anything like you just described. 6 Drunk bridegrooms! Where the hell did they get the time to get pissed before the actual celebrations? And whatever happened to people sitting in front of their name tags. Sheesh, I reckon I would have stuck a fork up a few peoples asses just to get em moving to their proper places."

On "Bacteria On My Lemon Slice"
Violet said:
"Yes, I am the one the shuts the water faucet and opens the door with paper towels; and I put 3 ass gaskets on the toilet seat :) I do ask for a lemon for my water, and if I see spots and dots on it, I don't use it :) Now I wouldn't even ask :) Why do waiters hate when we ask for ranch? I use ranch on everything - pizza, fries, chips, wings, salads, ranch ..hahahaha I hate spicy stuff but I like ranch."

Next Post: Banquet Staff, a Strange Bunch Revisited

A Few New Recruits

My newest assistant banquet managers...

14) Breaking Murphy's Law - Lee writes from an audio/visual tech's point of view.
15) Sous Gal - Talks about her trying to become a top chef.
16) At Your Service - A banquet supervisor and new blogger.
17) Hospitality Improvement - A hospitality manager's viewpoint.
18) Cassandrina - She makes some amazing vegetable sculptures.
19) Howerton-Wooten Events - A CMP with attention-grabbing sense of style
20) By Your Side Events - An expert at event planning & design.
21) A Joyeux Blog - A wedding planner and lovin' it.

Well, that's my newest group of "assistants" but I always have the need to hire more. So, fill out an application and be part of the team. I don't pay benefits, I don't give sick days, & you're lucky if you get a lunch break. But you'll love it and you'll keep coming back for more.

Join "So You Want To Be a Banquet Manager" and I'll give you and your blog a shout-out in an upcoming post. Please return the favor and add a link back to this site. Thanks.

Next Post: Some Great Comments