Wednesday, April 29, 2009

A Banquet Manager's Suggestion To Fix The Economy

Here's my letter to the President:

Dear Mr. President:

Please find below my suggestion for fixing Americas economy:

Instead of giving billions of dollars to companies that will squander the money on lavish parties and unearned bonuses, use the following plan.

You can call it the Patriotic Retirement Plan.

There are about 40 million people over 50 in the work force.

Pay them $1 million apiece severance for early retirement with the following stipulations:

1) They MUST retire. Forty million job openings - Unemployment fixed.

2) They MUST buy a new American CAR. Forty million cars ordered - Auto Industry fixed.

3) They MUST either buy a house or pay off their mortgage - Housing Crisis fixed.

It can't get any easier than that!

If more money is needed, have all members of Congress and their constituents pay their taxes...
What do you think?

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Tuesday, April 28, 2009

I'm #2, Help Me Get To #1

I'm Ranked #2 on the site Cool Blog Links. Please visit the site and vote for me. Help me get to #1.

Thank you, thank you, thank you...

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Sunday, April 26, 2009

What Do I Do With This Bottle Of Wine?

Last night we're doing a 50th birthday party for this guy's wife. No big deal, 82 people with a DJ.

Just when we serve the salad, the husband asks my captain for the wine list. "I want to buy a good bottle of wine for my wife so we can celebrate", he says. Good bottle of wine? What would this guy know - he was so buck toothed he could eat corn-on-the-cob through a key hole.

Anyway, I get the wine list and hand it over to him. He takes around 20 minutes to look it over before he finally decides on a $60 Merlot. 20 minutes to decide on a $60 Merlot? Oh well.

I get the bottle, do my usual fantastic tableside wine opening presentation and let him taste the wine. "I don't really like this wine", he says. I apologize and ask "What is it you don't like about it sir"? "I just don't know but it tastes old" be whines. It "tastes old"... WTF !!!

Wine "don't taste old"...it may taste bitter, heavy, oakly, sweet, bold, tart, etc but NEVER "OLD". Dumb shit hillbilly he is. Now I'm stuck with a $60 bottle of wine that I'll have to give to the restaurant and hope they can pour off at the bar.

Maybe I'll offer him a wine "spritzer".

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Friday, April 24, 2009

Going Bananas

A professor at CCNY for a physiological psych class told his class about bananas. He said the expression "going bananas" is from the effects of bananas on the brain. After reading this, you'll never look at a banana in the same way again.

Bananas contain three natural sugars - sucrose, fructose and glucose combined with fiber. A banana gives an instant, sustained and substantial boost of energy. (Good when you're too busy to eat)

Research has proven that just two bananas provide enough energy for a strenuous 90-minute workout. No wonder the banana is the number one fruit with the world's leading athletes. (Who needs a workout. I walk 10 miles a day))

But energy isn't the only way a banana can help us keep fit. It can also help overcome or prevent a substantial number of illnesses and conditions, making it a must to add to our daily diet.

Depression: According to a recent survey undertaken by MIND amongst people suffering from depression, many felt much better after eating a banana. This is because bananas contain tryptophan, a type of protein that the body converts into serotonin, known to make you relax, improve your mood and generally make you feel happier. (Depressed that I didn't get the promotion I was "promised")

PMS: Forget the pills - eat a banana. The vitamin B6 it contains regulates blood glucose levels, which can affect your mood. (PMS, I'm a guy)

Anemia: High in iron, bananas can stimulate the production of hemoglobin in the blood and so helps in cases of anemia. (The only iron I get is from the frying pans I want to hit the chef with)

Blood Pressure: This unique tropical fruit is extremely high in potassium yet low in salt, making it perfect to beat blood pressure. So much so, the US Food and Drug Administration has just allowed the banana industry to make official claims for the fruit's ability to reduce the risk of blood pressure and stroke. (Blood pressure - oh yeah, I got that)

Brain Power: 200 students at a Twickenham (Middlesex) school were helped through their exams this year by eating bananas at breakfast, break, and lunch in a bid to boost their brain power. Research has shown that the potassium-packed fruit can assist learning by making pupils more alert... (I need some of this)

Constipation: High in fiber, including bananas in the diet can help restore normal bowel action, helping to overcome the problem without resorting to laxatives. (By only snacking of the leftover cakes and cookies each day, I sure got a log jam)

Hangovers: One of the quickest ways of curing a hangover is to make a banana milkshake, sweetened with honey. The banana calms the stomach and, with the help of the honey, builds up depleted blood sugar levels, while the milk soothes and re-hydrates your system. (I wish I had time to get the first drink so I can get the damm hangover)

Heartburn: Bananas have a natural antacid effect in the body, so if you suffer from heartburn, try eating a banana for soothing relief. (Got this one too)

Morning Sickness: Snacking on bananas between meals helps to keep blood sugar levels up and avoid morning sickness. (My morning sickness is from the weekend tight turnarounds on 4 hours sleep)

Mosquito Bites: Before reaching for the insect bite cream, try rubbing the affected area with the inside of a banana skin. Many people find it amazingly successful at reducing swelling and irritation. (I never see the sun so how can I get a bite?)

Nerves: Bananas are high in B vitamins that help calm the nervous system. (I've got nerves of steel baby)

Overweight and at work? Studies at the Institute of Psychology in Austria found pressure at work leads to gorging on comfort food like chocolate and crisps. Looking at 5,000 hospital patients, researchers found the most obese were more likely to be in high-pressure jobs. The report concluded that, to avoid panic-induced food cravings, we need to control our blood sugar levels by snacking on high carbohydrate foods every two hours to keep levels steady. (I don't eat enough to get overweight)

Ulcers: The banana is used as the dietary food against intestinal disorders because of its soft texture and smoothness. It is the only raw fruit that can be eaten without distress in over-chronicler cases. It also neutralizes over-acidity and reduces irritation by coating the lining of the stomach. (It's coming)

Temperature Control: Many other cultures see bananas as a "cooling" fruit that can lower both the physical and emotional temperature of expectant mothers. In Thailand , for example, pregnant women eat bananas to ensure their baby is born with a cool temperature. (Can't touch this)

Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD): Bananas can help SAD sufferers because they contain the natural mood enhancer tryptophan. (WTF)

Smoking &Tobacco Use: Bananas can also help people trying to give up smoking. The B6, B12 they contain, as well as the potassium and magnesium found in them, help the body recover from the effects of nicotine withdrawal. (It's a miracle I never smoked)

Stress: Potassium is a vital mineral, which helps normalize the heartbeat, sends oxygen to the brain and regulates your body's water balance. When we are stressed, our metabolic rate rises, thereby reducing our potassium levels. These can be rebalanced with the help of a high-potassium banana snack. (Stress - my friend)

Strokes: According to research in The New England Journal of Medicine, eating bananas as part of a regular diet can cut the risk of death by strokes by as much as 40%! (That's next)

Warts: Those keen on natural alternatives swear that if you want to kill off a wart, take a piece of banana skin and place it on the wart, with the yellow side out. Carefully hold the skin in place with a plaster or surgical tape! (Warts my ass!)

So, a banana really is a natural remedy for many ills. When you compare it to an apple, it has four times the protein, twice the carbohydrate, three times the phosphorus, five times the vitamin A and iron, and twice the other vitamins and minerals. It is also rich in potassium and is one of the best value foods around So maybe its time to change that well-known phrase so that we say, "A banana a day keeps the doctor away!"

PS: Bananas must be the reason monkeys are so happy all the time! I will add one here; want a quick shine on our shoes?? Take the INSIDE of the banana skin, and rub directly on the shoe...polish with dry cloth. Amazing fruit! (I gotta try this. My shoes are always filthy from all the food and liquid on the kitchen floor. Damm chef)

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Thursday, April 23, 2009

San Fransisco Says Reduce The Hourly Rate For Waiters

From the San Francisco Chronicle
March 28, 2009

Amid the battle between San Francisco's restaurants and City Hall over universal health care, an issue has arisen that could be the savior of struggling restaurants, or spell financial doom for low-paid service workers, depending on who's doing the talking.

It's the idea of a tip credit for waiters, which would reduce the minimum hourly wage that restaurants would have to pay them.

Kevin Westlye, director of the Golden Gate Restaurant Association, said the group might consider dropping a lawsuit it has filed against the city if San Francisco would enact a tip credit.

"It would certainly be a very interesting discussion to have," he said.

At issue is the city's mandate that employers provide health insurance or pay fees to the city to support its universal health care program, Healthy San Francisco. The restaurant association supports the idea of universal health care, but not saddling businesses with more fees.

It sued over the requirement, lost at the U.S. Court of Appeals and has now asked the Supreme Court to take up the suit - and issue an emergency injunction blocking the city's mandate. The court's ruling on the emergency stay could come as soon as Monday.

Restaurant owners say the health care fee is just one more burden in a city that also requires paid sick leave and has one of the nation's highest minimum wages. A tip credit, some owners say, would help rebalance what they consider an off-kilter situation.

But union representatives say restaurants have been asking for a tip credit for at least a decade - whenever a new law comes up that would hurt their bottom line - and the answer now is the same as it's always been.

"It would be ridiculous to even consider something like that," said Tim Paulson, director of the San Francisco Labor Council. "We're proud of having a minimum wage. Though it still doesn't get people out of poverty, it is movement in the right direction."

California is one of seven states that prohibit a tip credit, requiring that waiters earn the same minimum wage as everybody else. In other states, restaurant owners can pay waiters as little as $2.13, the minimum permissible under federal law.

Westlye said San Francisco, which has its own $9.79 minimum wage, could legally decide to reduce waiters' pay to the state minimum wage of $8 without breaking California's no-tip-credit law.

"That would be something that might make the business model of a restaurant in San Francisco a whole lot more sustainable," he said.

Westlye said that whenever the city's minimum wage goes up, restaurant owners raise their menu prices. That means that in addition to the higher minimum wage, waiters earn more in tips, because customers usually calculate that as a percentage of the bill.

Meanwhile, restaurant workers who don't receive tips, like managers and chefs, don't see much of a bump. He said a full-time cook often earns $15 an hour, or $31,000 a year. A waiter, with tips, often makes $30 an hour, or $62,000 a year.

"It creates a delta between the front of the house and the back of the house," he said. "Since restaurants sell food, it would be difficult to take a position that a full-time server has twice the value of a full-time cook."

Dan Scherotter, owner and executive chef at Palio d'Asti downtown, said his kitchen workers haven't received a raise in years, and he recently had to lay off a pastry chef and general manager.

"We're in this perverse situation where every year when the minimum wage goes up, we're giving a raise to our best-paid employees," he said. "You can understand why the health care mandate is the straw that breaks the camel's back."

Mike Casey, president of the local hotel and restaurant workers union, said restaurant owners have been scapegoating tipped employees for years. A tip credit, he said, wouldn't just harm waiters at swanky restaurants, but also those manning coffee shops with a tip jar on the counter.

"You really want to lower the wages of anybody who gets a tip?" he said. "Our members are hit very hard right now - let's not try to subsidize health care on the backs of low-wage workers."

Supervisor David Campos agrees. Last week, he sent a letter to the restaurant association asking it to drop its lawsuit.

"I'm a strong supporter of minimum wage laws, and Healthy San Francisco is a separate issue," he said. "The Golden Gate Restaurant Association should drop its lawsuit because it's the right thing to do, regardless of the tip credit or anything else."

What do you think about this?

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Monday, April 20, 2009

Breast Feeding in The Restaurant


I just read something about a woman in a restaurant being asked to leave because she was breastfeeding her kid at the table. When another customer complained, the head waiter asked her to stop, and when she refused, she was asked to leave.

I never had to deal with this in Banquets...lucky for me.

Did this ever happen in your restaurant?

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Thursday, April 16, 2009

He's The General Manager, Why Does He Always Do This Shit?

He drives us nuts with all his demands. He breaks your balls during meetings. He makes me take some housemen off the schedule 'cause "he knows better than me" that I don't need that many men on Tues or Saturday. He wants those reports done yesterday. What a royal pain in the ass... Then it got worse.

He made me come in two Sunday's ago to babysit the brunch in the Restaurant. "Hey Banquet Manager", he said. "I need you to come in to help out with the brunch buffet this Sunday", he barked. "But boss, I'm off that day", I moaned. "Not anymore" was his response.

"I have a bunch of VIP's coming to the brunch and I don't trust that lazy-ass to get it done", came next. That "lazy-ass" is his newest way to refer to the restaurant manager. Nice girl, but she's outta her league. She's been on the hot seat for a while and now I need to cover her department too? WTF !!!

Now I gotta change my Sunday plans so I can come in at 7am to setup the brunch buffet and deal with all the equally-lazy ass restaurant waiters (the group here are the worst).

So Sunday morning comes and I'm changing the setup of the buffet tables. They don't have any idea what they're doing. I'm running for my special linen and props, making tiers and adding all the finishing touches. Where's the restaurant manager? Shit if I know!!! Later I find out that the VIP group is a table of 10 arriving at 10am. Good, let them come in early and get the hell outta here so maybe I can sneek out early myself. Of course it never happened.

It's now 11:30am and no VIP table. Then we get a call from the G.M that the VIP group is running late. But, there's always a but, and he now wants another table of 6 placed right next to the 10 top. We need to move a few tables around and piss off plenty of brunch guests so we can fit in another table for 6. This is where he wants to sit with his party. Twenty minutes later he arrives and walks around the room checking-out the buffet, never sits down, just walks around the room pointing out the food to his guests.

Then the best happens..."Hey Banquet Manager, the groups not coming in after all, something came up", he says. "Not coming in...what happened" I say. "I don't know I just gotta leave too", slithers out of his lips. "Hey, where's "Restaurant Manager" he asks. "Probably sleeping in the basement at this point", I say. "Don't be a wise-ass, I'll see you tomorrow, right?" he snaps as he walks out the door with his guests.

What the f^*@ happened? What's with the VIP group no-show and why the hell did he bother to come in with his group and not even stay? I'm the damm banquet manager not the restaurant manager...WHY THE HELL AM I HERE !!!!!!!

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Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Empty Tables Threaten Some Restaurant Chains

During a decade of easy credit and loose spending, American businesses built too many cars, houses, stores and factories. It turns out the country built too many restaurants, too.

Now consumers are cutting back, and dining out is among the casualties. Finer restaurant chains have been hit hard, and so have the casual sit-down places that flooded suburban shopping centers and tourist districts across the country, aimed straight at middle American tastes.

A few chains have boarded up already. Many others are going into survival mode, trying to renegotiate their loans, cutting staff, offering bargains to customers and closing less profitable restaurants. Analysts predict thousands more restaurants could close in the next year or two.

The pain is evident even amid the neon glitz of Times Square, which draws big crowds of tourists used to eating at places like Red Lobster and Applebee’s.

Zane Tankel opened an Applebee’s franchise there eight years ago. At the time, he said his nearest real competition, an Olive Garden, was about six blocks away.

Now, Mr. Tankel could sit in his restaurant and throw rocks through the windows of a half-dozen competitors, including ESPN Zone, Dave & Buster’s, Chevys and Dallas BBQ.

“We’ll see some weeding out,” he said one recent lunch hour, sitting in a near-empty Applebee’s dining room overlooking 42nd Street. Noting a restaurant above him and another across the street, he said, “One of the three of us is not going to be here.”

Mr. Tankel’s fears are shared by many analysts and consultants, who say that a decades-long expansion produced too many restaurants even for a good economy, let alone the worst malaise since the Great Depression.

Since 1990, the number of restaurants and bars has grown to 537,000 from 361,000, a 49 percent increase, according to the National Restaurant Association. Population in the United States grew 23 percent in that period.

Amid the seeming prosperity of a credit-fueled era, people got in the habit of eating more and more of their meals out. The association’s statistics show that 48 cents of every food dollar is now spent at restaurants, compared with 40.5 cents per dollar in 1985.

From: NYTimes.com Read full story here.

How are you effected by this crappy economy?

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Monday, April 13, 2009

Easter Brunch


Wow, I'm tired. Crazy day yesterday. I was busier than a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest.

I'm taking today off to relax.

Hope you had a great Easter and the bunny stopped by to say hello.

See you tomorrow.

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Thursday, April 9, 2009

Tip That Waitress

She's been on her feet nearly half the damn night
Bringing you beverage and your late night bite
She remains cheerful when you're nasty and tight
Makes change for a fifty in dim candlelight.
Ignoring your groping hoping you might
Come across with a tip and sympathize with her plight.
Tip that waitress.

She's getting her masters supporting her mom
Amidst the confusion she remains cool and calm
She knows exits in case of a fire or bomb
She knows all the words to the 23rd psalm
She handles her tray with panache and aplomb
Her brothers a Quaker, her dad was in
'Naa-aaa-aaa-aam
Tip that waitress.

Tip that waitress,
She’s been waiting on you
Skip the small change,
Slap down a dollar or two.

Her arches are aching, her lower backs shot
Her varicose vein hurts like hell when its hot
Her uniform's too tight, tasteful its not
She knows the specials and they are not a lot.
The cook is on Qualudes the bus boy deals pot
If she had a real job she'd quit on the spot
So tip that waitress.

This plea for gratuity's gone on way too long,
There's a time and a place where them things belong
The stage ain't a soap box, this is only a song,
To dwell on the matter much more would be wrong.
And people get by, she'll get along
But I think she gets off when I come on
Stro--ooo-ooo- ong
So tip that waitress.

Tip that waitress,
She's been waiting on you.
Skip the small change,
Slap down a fiver or two.

Tip that waitress.

Originally posted by: Bullet Holes in the Mailbox and he was nice enough to allow me to post it here too. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did.

Written by: loudon wainwright III

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Tuesday, April 7, 2009

My 1 Year Anniversary!!!


Today, April 7th is my 1 year anniversary of writing this blog. WOW...
Thanks for all you're support and comments.



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Sunday, April 5, 2009

Wow, The Chef's Been Really Nice To Me Latey

What the heck did I do? I haven't kissed his ass (and never will). I haven't ripped him a new one in my captain's reports. I didn't act any different toward him one way or another.

Yes it's true, I did look the other way when he forgot the special veggie meal last week for the VIP. And didn't "throw him under the bus" when there was no milk left inhouse the other day. I haven't even broken his balls too much recently, but for the most part, he's done a good job over the past few weeks and didn't give me a reason to complain.

Maybe it's because I've saved his butt more times than I can remember by telling him that he's missing a BEO or by helping him lower his food cost. Could that be why he has been offering to cook me a special meal almost everyday this week and even had his cooks deliver them to my office? Yeah, yeah, that's the ticket !!! Today I had filet of sole almondine. Not bad.

Ah, life is good as a banquet manager...

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Thursday, April 2, 2009

The Bullfight Special

After his day's sightseeing, an American touring Spain stopped at a local restaurant. While sipping his wine, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious- looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful. He asked the waiter:

"Tell me, g-a-r-c-o-n, what is that you just served?"

The waiter, slightly irritated at being thought to be French, nevertheless, smiled and replied:"Ah senor, you have excellent taste! That is our bull-fighting special and those are B-B-Q'd balls of the unlucky toro, the bull who died this morning while the crowd cheered the victorious matador. It is a Spanish delicacy!"

The American, though momentarily daunted when he learned the origin of the dish said:

"What the hell, I'm on vacation! Bring me the bull's balls, pronto!"

The waiter replied: "I am so sorry senor. There is only one serving a day, since there is only one bull fight each morning. If you come early tomorrow and place your order, we will be sure to be able to serve you this delicacy!"The next morning, the American returned and the waiter quickly made his way over and said.

"The bullfight has just finished. Would you like to order the special for tonight?

The Americas tourist remembered their conversation and said:

"Sure, B-B-Q those bulls balls for me - I'll be there."

That evening, he was served the one and only special delicacy of the day. After a few bites, he called to the waiter and said:

"These are really excellent, the garlic the tomato, perfect but I have to say, these balls are much, much smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday!"

The waiter smirkingly replied:

"Si, senor! Sometimes the bull, he wins!"


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