Sunday, June 28, 2009

Overweight People Are Bad For The Enviroment

LONDON (Reuters) - Overweight people eat more than thin people and are more likely to travel by car, making excess body weight doubly bad for the environment, according to a study from the London School of Hygiene & Tropical Medicine.

"When it comes to food consumption, moving about in a heavy body is like driving around in a gas guzzler," and food production is a major source of greenhouse gases, researchers Phil Edwards and Ian Roberts wrote in their study, published in the International Journal of Epidemiology.

"We need to be doing a lot more to reverse the global trend toward fatness, and recognize it as a key factor in the battle to reduce (carbon) emissions and slow climate change," the British scientists said.

They estimated that each fat person is responsible for about one tonne of carbon dioxide emissions a year more on average than each thin person, adding up to an extra one billion tonnes of CO2 a year in a population of one billion overweight people.

The European Union estimates each EU citizen accounts for 11 tonnes of greenhouse gas emissions a year.

Link to original article here.

Do you believe this crap? Enough of this greenhouse shit already. If we want to eat until our asses explode, so be it! Just make sure this fatso doesn't come to my buffet...

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Wednesday, June 24, 2009

I Don't Like Tap Water, Do You Have Bottled Water?

You're fat ass doesn't like tap water? What about the half-a-ton of Big Mac's you've shoved down your throat over the years? I guess that doesn't count you sweaty bastard.

"Tap water gives me a bad aftertaste" he then says. Aftertaste? Aftertaste? How can you taste anything after you inhale a hamburger bigger than your head? Then you piled-up at least 2 pounds of assorted desserts and washed it all down with a never-ending supply of sugary iced tea.

NOW you want a bottled water...

These family reunions will be the death of me.

I need a REAL job!

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Monday, June 22, 2009

The Cake Had The Wrong Icing Color

We just got a letter from the host of a 70th birthday party we had 2 weeks ago. You would think that it was the end of the world for her.

"The icing on the cake was the wrong color" it said. "Green is my husband's favorite color and the green you used was the wrong shade of green" she complained. The wrong shade of green...get the F%#@ outta here!

She went on and on how she felt the party was ruined 'cause all the trouble she went through to get everything just right and to have it ruined by the cake.

All the trouble to get everything right? This was one of the shittiest parties I've ever hosted in all my years of doing this stuff. The DJ sucked and was only there because he was the nephew of the old geezer. The centerpieces were 3 weak-ass balloons tied to a big plastic #70. The menu chosen sucked and had coleslaw as the "featured dish", since it is the birthday boy's favorite dish.

Favorite color green, favorite food coleslaw. This guy has other issues to deal with without his wife going off the deep end like this.

Get over it. Just be happy that you're healthy and are still alive so you can even have a party like this you old geezer!

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Friday, June 19, 2009

I Don't Want HIS Health Care Reform

I had to make some changes to my HR paperwork the other day and was reminded of a cartoon I saw recently about Obama's Health Care Plan. No thanks Mr. President...


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Wednesday, June 17, 2009

I Tried To Get The Check Signed But...

Ok, ok. After my earlier rant, and subsequent ball-breaking from my boss, I tried to get the mother of the "sweet 16 girl" the other day to pay the $210 she owed us for the few last minute arrivals. And guess what happened? By the time I left to make the banquet check out and then returned to the room, she left.

Not only her, but all 40 of the little stink-head kids. The other parents, the DJ, the old grandma in the walker, the whole bunch. Even the balloon centerpieces were gone! WTF!!!

I was only gone for around 15 minutes and the whole damm room was empty. There were even tumbleweeds blowing around the room just like in those old western movies. I think it's a conspiracy against me...

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Sunday, June 14, 2009

Misconceptions About Food and Diets

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: Think of it this way… What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine. That means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! ..... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans ! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And remember:

'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming “WOO HOO, what a ride”.

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Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Bore My Ass To Sleep

He just doesn't give a shit! Talk, talk, talk, that's just it. I think the bastard just wants to hear his own voice or love the attention. You guessed it, I was stuck in another manager's meeting with the G.M. This one was almost 3 hours long!

What did we talk about...beats the hell out of me. "WE" didn't talk about shit. "HE" talked about nothing for 3 hours. Yeah, he went over the guest service scores, the hotel occupancy, the f'ing "rack rates", the new carpet installed in the HR Director's office. Who gives a shit about this stuff?

Man, don’t pee down my back and tell me it’s raining. Just tell me you ordered the tea spoons & water glasses I've been begging you for the last month. Tell me you hired another sales chick so we can fire the old stanky one. Tell me you got Accounting to pay the bill so we can order more pads and pens for the meeting rooms.

Don't tell me about the next meeting planner that is coming for a site inspection. Don't tell me that we need to watch our payroll for the rest of the month because business is slow. And especially don't tell me that we need to "look at the big picture".

The big picture? I don't give a shit about the big picture. I just want my friggin' teaspoons dammit!

I need a REAL job!

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Sunday, June 7, 2009

Beyonce and the Krispy Kreme Donut


I just read this about Beyonce…

"When I'm completely overwhelmed and tired, comfort food helps. I'll want to have some ice cream. Or when the tour is behind, I'm like, I just want some Krispy Kremes! There's too much good food out there to never indulge. When I'm off, I feel like I've earned [the right] to eat what I want."

Amen to that!

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Friday, June 5, 2009

You're Supposed To Collect The Balance, Not Me

I'm so sick and tired of having to explain myself to the head of our Accounting Department as to why "I didn't collect the balance" from the event over the weekend. Screw that! The damm sales chick is supposed to have all social events paid in full before the group steps foot in the door. But NOOOOOO, that doesn't happen.

"Oh, I couldn't get in touch with the contact" or "She said she would send the check" are the usual kinds of BS excuses she gives. So what happens, I'm supposed to chase the group contact all around the room at midnight after the event is over and get a check or a credit card from them so we can get paid. BITE ME !!!

Do your damm job sales chick and collect the balance. My job is the proper execution of the event. Your job is to book it and get paid. That's all you do. Enjoy your weekends and holidays off. Enjoy your 9 to 5 days. Enjoy your free lunches with "a client". Just don't expect me to cover your ass and become a banker for you.

From now on, you're on your own. The calls from Accounting will be coming to you...

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Wednesday, June 3, 2009

The Old Couple That Got Engaged

Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, living in Florida, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in.

*Jacob addresses the man behind the counter: "Are you the owner?"

The pharmacist answers, "Yes."

*Jacob: "We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?"

Pharmacist: "Of course we do."

*Jacob: "How about medicine for circulation?"

Pharmacist: "All kinds "

*Jacob: " Medicine for rheumatism?"

Pharmacist: "Definitely."

*Jacob: "How about suppositories?"

Pharmacist: "You bet!"

*Jacob: "Medicine for memory problems, arthritis and Alzheimer's?"

Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety. The works."

*Jacob: "What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for Parkinson's disease?"

Pharmacist: "Absolutely."

*Jacob: "Everything for heartburn and indigestion?"

Pharmacist: "We sure do."

*Jacob: "You sell wheelchairs and walkers and canes?"

Pharmacist: "All speeds and sizes."

*Jacob: "Adult diapers?"

Pharmacist: "Sure."

**Jacob: "We'd like to use this store as our Bridal Registry."

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