Thursday, May 27, 2010

Hey Sales Chick - Breakfast is Only For An Hour and a Half!

All you can eat sure, but not forever...

The newest bullshit going on that the banquet manager needs to deal with is our sales chick keeps booking these corporate groups with a breakfast that lasts for over 2 hours.  

"Oh but they want to be able to have all the last comers to be able to eat", she says.  Or, "Then the meeting planners want to be able to eat after all the attendees have finished and went into their meeting", was next.  I don't give a shit!

No no no, I'm not gonna keep replenishing the buffet food for 2 1/2 hours just because you couldn't find it in yourself to open your fat lips and tell the customer, "I understand you want the breakfast food to be out for 2 1/2 hours but our concern for not only presentation and food quality limits us to only 1 1/2 hours".  "If you would like the food out on display longer than that, there would be an additional charge of $xxx to cover the cost of replenishing the food plus the additional labor costs".

Is that so f@*^ing hard to do you ditzy chick?

I need a REAL job!


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Monday, May 24, 2010

Pet Peeve #6 - Fix the F'in Copy Machine!

When someone invents a f'in copy machine that actually works without getting jammed-up every damm day, they will make a fortune.

I gotta make a bunch of photo copies everyday and it's usually the worst part of my day.  Before I go home I need to make copies of the BEO's:
  • 1 for my assistant
  • 1 for the housemen
  • 1 for every breakfast/lunch event (we usually have 6-7 events everyday
  • 1 for every dinner (at least 3 each day)
  • multiple copies for each "main" waiter so he/she knows how to set the buffet based on the menu.
That's a lot of damm paper.  I don't have time for jerk around at the end of my day with a shit-ass copy machine.

I HATE this shit...

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Tuesday, May 18, 2010

National Waiter and Waitress Day 2010

…are they kidding?

This is a great country for so many more reasons than I could ever name, especially here. We celebrate political, religious, cultural and sexual diversity in every form. We even go so far as to name a “special day” after various types of people to remember and commemorate them.

We have the normal days:

  • Presidents Day
  • Mothers Day
  • Fathers Day
  • Grandparents Day
  • D-Day
  • Independence Day
  • Flag Day
  • All Saints Day
  • Veterans Day
  • Thanksgiving Day
  • New Years Day


Then we have the “cute” days:

  • Groundhog’s Day
  • Girl Scout Day
  • April Fools Day
  • Administrative Professionals Day (give me a break!)
  • Beautician’s Day
  • Take Your Son or Daughter to Work Day
  • Forgot Day (I forgot that one)
  • Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Day
  • National S’mores Day
  • Left-Hander’s Day

Now guess what the brain trust of the country came up with?

Drum roll please………..

it's...

The National Waiter and Waitress Day! (May 21)

WHAT! You have got to be kidding!

I have an idea for a day to celebrate waiters and waitresses. How about a few of these winners:
  • Get your butt to work on time day
  • Wear a clean uniform day
  • Take off those gangster earrings day
  • Get the order correct day
  • Don’t let the buffet run out of food day
  • Serve from the left and clear from the right day
  • Offer them a second cup of coffee day
  • Stop complaining day
  • Do your closing side-work before you go home day
  • Punch-out for your shift day
  • You don't like your shift - Get the f#@^ outta here day
I can go on forever…

I need a REAL job!



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Thursday, May 13, 2010

Pet Peeve #5 - Stop Stealing My F'in Pens You Bastards!

Now I know it's not the most important shit to worry about but I just can't stand it when I leave for the day with 3 or 4 pencils/pens in that little round pencil holder that most of us have on our desks to come back in the next day and find them all missing.  WTF!

How the hell can I do my schedule?
How the hell can I do the inventory? How the hell can I write-up one of my lazy waiters?


Keep your smelly asses off my chair, stay away from my freekin' desk and STOP stealing my pens you bastards!  I've got work to do.

Next Post: National Waiter and Waitress Day 2010

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Monday, May 10, 2010

Stop Being a Putz...Gimme a Damm Kitchen Towel Man!

The other day we had a large group in house for dinner.  2 double-sided buffets in the corner of the room with 31 rounds of 10 people each.  The usual crap. 

During the main buffet rush, I'm went to help my staff run food to the buffets.  As I went to grab one of the chaffer inserts full of chicken, I almost burned my fingers 'cause the f'in pan was so hot.

I looked around but couldn't find any of the blue kitchen towels we usually use for this purpose.  So I went over to the cooks area and took 2 rags out of their "secret hiding place" under the line.  Just then I hear, "Hey, you can't take those".  I shoot his ass a dirty look and say ,"Sorry but I need them right away...you'll get them back".

At the end of the day the chef comes over to me and says "Did you take some kitchen towels from my staff earlier today"?  "Yes I did, why".  "You know, those towels are for my kitchen staff to use, not your banquet department" was his answer.  "Chef, I'm running food for OUR customer, and if I, or any of my staff, need a damm towel so we don't burn our hands because YOUR staff had the hot box's temperature too high, I'm gonna take a towel.

I finished with, "Besides, wasn't it YOUR recommendation last month that you would keep a sufficient supply of kitchen towels on hand for just this purpose"?  He didn't have much of an answer to that...and he walked away.

Jerk chef!
 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Next Post: Pet Peeve #5



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Thursday, May 6, 2010

Wanna Drink? Gotta Get Your Drivers License Scanned First

From the Salt Lake Tribune

It can be illegal for a bar to serve a drink to young adults in Utah.

The violation comes when the bar fails to run an electronic scanner on driver licenses of anyone who looks 35 years old or younger. The penalty for failing to electronically verify licenses is akin to serving alcohol to a minor.

Peggy Bowen, owner of Chuckles Lounge in Salt Lake City, said her bartender asked three young adults, all older than 21, to show their driver licenses, but because the club did not use its electronic device, "we were told we broke the law."  The club regularly uses an electronic scanning device, she said. But on Feb. 18, the bartender only checked the licenses visually.

"I don't like it; I think it's unfair, but I don't have the money to fight this," said Bowen. "Now everyone who looks under 60 gets their licenses scanned."  Bowen paid $1,158 in fines and court costs.

This offense will stay on her record, serving to increase the severity of penalties if any other violations occur, including the possibility of losing her liquor license. She has had no other violations during the nearly 10 years her club has been in business, according to state records.

Bowen's club is among four bars in Salt Lake City and an Ogden club that have been busted for failing to use a scanning device during undercover stings. All paid fines rather than contest the charges. Other cases are pending.

The little-known penalty is part of landmark legislation that did away with Utah's private club law in July. Then Gov. Jon Huntsman Jr. had made elimination of the private clubs one of his priorities to boost the state's $6 billion-a-year tourism industry. In exchange for dropping membership requirements, lawmakers required bar owners to install electronic devices and to retain the data for seven days to aid in police investigations of alcohol-related crimes. 


The law requires only clubs to use scanning devices. Grocery stores, restaurants serving liquor and state-controlled liquor outlets have no similar requirements to electronically check licenses. 

Bob Brown, owner of Cheers to You in Salt Lake City, said bar owners readily agreed to install the devices as a compromise to get the legislation passed. But he said he is shocked at the severity of the penalty, which had not been determined before lawmakers passed SB187. 

Lawyers with the Utah Department of Alcoholic Beverage Control determined that under administrative rules, the scanner violation for bars is "serious," giving the offense the same gravity as allowing a minor onto the premises or serving alcohol to underage drinkers. 

Assistant Attorney General Shelia Page said the penalty was deemed serious -- rather than minor or moderate with lesser penalties -- because the law involves issues relating to public health and underage drinkers. The legislative intent is clear," she said. "The Legislature made a determination that the [scanning] requirement is a gatekeeper to keep minors out of clubs." 

Lt. Chris Simmons, who is over the Utah Highway Patrol's liquor-enforcement team, said undercover officers routinely look to see if a club has a scanner. In the majority of citations, the clubs did not scan licenses of the undercover officers themselves, he added. 

Officers also could prosecute the cases criminally as a class B misdemeanor, which carries a penalty of a $1,000 fine and up to six months in jail. But so far, the most appropriate response is to simply refer the cases to the liquor-control board for action. 

"We haven't issued any misdemeanor citations," said Simmons. "But we could." Lisa Marcy, attorney for Utah Hospitality Association, said failing to use a scanner on anyone who appears to be under 35 is arbitrary and "if challenged is unenforceable. In any other area, other than alcohol, the public would be outraged. It's like a police officer testifying that a driver 'appeared' to be speeding. And instead of issuing a traffic citation, the driver was charged with a class B misdemeanor." 

Kokomo Club in Ogden was also caught not using a scanner. It was also cited for a bartender not using a metered pouring device and allowing patrons to leave with open containers. The highest fine in the $2,250 charged to the club was the $1,000 penalty for the scanner offense. The violations were the club's first offenses in 50 years.


Yeah, BIG government at it's worst again...



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Monday, May 3, 2010

Lick That Chocolate Girl

Sometimes the life of a banquet manager is good.  Take this past weekend's wedding...

The Venetian table had a chocolate fountain, the usual stuff.  Strawberries, cut fruit, pound cake, marshmallows, you know - all the trimmings.  But what I won't forget is the hot girl that was at the fountain.  She filled-up her plate with all the goodies then went back to her table and took to licking the chocolate off her fingers in such a way that drove most of my male waiters nuts.  

They were running around the room to get a better view of her without making themselves too obvious.  What a funny sight it was...

When I decided to write about my night in this blog, I had to give you some idea of what I was talking about.  I found this picture on the internet that was a pretty good example of what she was doing.  

Get the idea?

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