Friday, July 30, 2010

The Hotel Bill

Next time you think your hotel bill is too high, you might want to consider this:

My wife and I are traveling by car from Victoria to Prince George. Being Seniors, after almost eleven hours on the road, we were too tired to continue, and decided to take a room. 

But, we only planned to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road. When we checked out four hours later, the desk clerk handed us a bill for $350.00.
I explode and demanded to know why the charge is so high. I told the clerk although it's a nice hotel, the rooms certainly aren't worth $350.00 for four hours.

Then the clerk tells me that $350.00 is the 'standard rate'. I insisted on speaking to the Manager.

The Manager appears, listens to me, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference centre that were available for us to use. 'But we didn't use them," I said. ''Well, they are here, and you could have," explained the Manager.

He went on to explain that we could also have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. "We have the best entertainers from New York , Hollywood and Las Vegas perform here," the Manager says.

"But we didn't go to any of those shows," I said. "Well, we have them, and you could have," the Manager replied.  No matter what amenity the Manager mentioned, I replied, "But we didn't use it!"

The Manager is unmoved, and eventually I gave up and agreed to pay. I wrote a check and gave it to the Manager.

The Manager is surprised when he looks at the check. "But sir, this check is only made out for $50.00." ''That's correct. I charged you $300.00 for sleeping with my wife," I replied.

"But I didn't" exclaims the Manager.

I said, "Well, too bad, she was here, and you could have."

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Thursday, July 29, 2010

And The Winner Is...


Due to the overwhelming response (not really, that just sounds good), I will be keeping this new design look for this blog.  

I'm still getting used to it myself.

I appreciate your input, thanks.


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Friday, July 23, 2010

How Do You Like The New Look of This Blog?

So after 2 years of writing my "stuff" on this site, I thought it was time for a change.  Time for a new look.  So what do you think?  Should I keep this new layout or go back to the original orange theme?

Drop me a comment and let me know...

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Tuesday, July 20, 2010

I Don't Have Your Camera Lady!

How many times has this happened to you...

You get a call the day after a wedding or some other private party and there's a lady complaining that she lost her camera or some other item.  She now proceeds to tell you how valuable it is and that she knows that someone in your staff must have seen it.  

The conversation goes something like this:

LADY:  I left my camera at Suzy's wedding last night.  Did you find it?
BANQUET MANAGER: No I'm sorry, no lost items were turned into me from last night's party
LADY: But you MUST have it.  I think I left it on my table when I left.  I was at table 14.  Did you see it?
BANQUET MANAGER:  Again, I'm sorry, but we did not find any items that were left over from that event.
LADY: Well that camera was very expensive and maybe one of your staff may have taken it

Now this is where I want to reach into the phone and choke the crap outta people like this.  My staff are far from perfect, but they sure as hell will not steal a f'in camera.

BANQUET MANAGER: Are you sure another guest that was at your table may not have taken it by mistake?
LADY: Why would they take my camera?
BANQUET MANAGER: I don't want to suggest that they would have purposefully taken your camera, but maybe they realized that you left it and picked it up with the intention of returning it to you as soon as they can.  (I'm still trying to resist reaching into the phone...)
LADY: Well how would I know if someone else took it?

Do you believe this bitch?

BANQUET MANAGER: Well, all I can do at this point is take down your name and phone number and a description of your camera and contact you back if it is located.  Is that ok?
LADY: Do you have a lost and found?
BANQUET MANAGER: Yes, I am in charge of any lost items that are found within the Banquet Department.  If anything is found, I catalog the item and then return it to our Housekeeping Department.  They are in charge of the main lost and found.
LADY: Well do you think they have it?
BANQUET MANAGER: They will only have it if my staff or I find it and then hand it over to them.
LADY: Well, I need to speak to them right away.

With that I transfer this "lady" over to the Housekeeping Department's voicemail and get rid of her.  Of course I will contact her if that very valuable camera shows up but it usually never does.

I wonder how long it will take for Maria from Housekeeping calls me to bitch about this lady...




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Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Why is There a Dog Here?

A beautiful bride. A handsome groom.  Top of the line menu.  The best band in the area. All at a wedding that cost around $35,000.  Then they bring their stupid dog to the ceremony.  WTF!

They even have the dog pose in photos with them.  Then as you enter the room there is a big photo on an easel of the bride & groom holding their dog.  A 50 pound slobbering bulldog. 

What's with these people?

Spike, or whatever his name is, is not that friggin' cute that he needs to be immortalized in your wedding photos forever.  Would you bring your parakeet on your honeymoon?  Of course not.  Why have that flea-bitten dog at your ceremony.

I ain't gonna let him into the building...and especially, I ain't gonna clean up his poop!

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Sunday, July 11, 2010

The Dreaded Wedding Breakfast - Part 2

You may remember a past post entitled: "The Dreaded Wedding Breakfast".  That was a story about a wonderful wedding for 237 people that had a breakfast for a select group of 80 people the next morning.  Of course we should have expected that 160 hung-over wedding freaks would show up. 

Anyway, today's story is about another wedding breakfast we had yesterday.  A different breakfast...no 4-5 chaffers of assorted scrambled eggs, home fries, sausage, etc.  This was just a simple continental breakfast but they added an omelet station.  We did rollups, setup the juice & coffee station then added 6 burners for the 2 cooks to come in and make the omelets. 

The guarantee was for 64 people so I scheduled 2 good waiters.  This would be enough for a continental with just eggs.  I also knew that the kitchen would plan on 2 cooks for this so I didn't bother to check with the chef.  First mistake...the chef only scheduled 1 cook, and a junior one at that. 

I told the Sunday morning kitchen staff (the "B" team at best was on today) that they will need 2 guys out there to make the omelets since that's the only hot food on the menu.  "I don't know", said the most senior cook there, "Mister chef only scheduled Pedro for the station", he finished.  Now we're screwed.

Moving along, you figured what happened next.  By 9:15am we've got what seems like 42 of the 64 guarantee lined-up for their friggin' omelets and me and Pedro cooking them.  

I gotta kick the chef's butt when I see him next...

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Wednesday, July 7, 2010

She's Sleeping With Him - Follow-up

As a follow-up to a previous post, She's Sleeping with Him, I wanted to let you know that our Director of Catering and his new squeeze the new restaurant waitress both got their asses fired yesterday. 

The GM waited until we got through the busy July 4th weekend and kicked them out early Tuesday morning.

Remember...never @#^* where you work.
 
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Monday, July 5, 2010

Couple Recycles 400,000 Cans to Pay for Wedding

As a banquet manager, I've seen some strange weddings, but this is a weird way to start one off...

When Peter Geyer caught the garter at a wedding last fall, his girlfriend Andrea Parrish immediately dropped to her knee, pulled out an opal earring, and proposed to him. Parrish admits they had been discussing getting married, so she was kind of prepared for such a moment just in case it happened. "What better way to announce it to the family than with a big dramatic moment?" asks the 25-year-old marketing writer.

It seems Parish and her fiancé have a flair for creating buzz. Known as the "wedding can couple," Geyer and Parrish have been in the news because they are paying for their July 31 wedding solely with the $3,800 in proceeds they earned from recycling 400,000 cans.  

The Spokane couple reached their goal last week when over a ton of aluminum cans was hauled off their porch by a local recycler. They continue to collect cans to raise money for their honeymoon and to donate to Doctors Without Borders and Rim Country Land Institute.  

How did they come up with the offbeat idea? Parrish said they quickly realized they'd have to save around $500 a month to pay for their wedding if they wanted to get married in a reasonable amount of time and avoid getting into debt. They didn't have much extra cash because Parrish was laid off from her job right after they purchased a house.  

Parrish and Geyer already had some experience collecting aluminum cans. Geyer, who works as a digital print technician, also melts cans down on his Weber grill and uses the metal to create art in his spare time. 

Parrish came up with the idea to pay for their wedding in the middle of a sleepless night. She had just helped Geyer sort through some cans that evening and knew you could get money for aluminum by the pound, so she figured why not collect aluminum cans to fund their wedding and help the environment. 

She woke Geyer up at 1 a.m. to share her plan. "When I told Peter about it, he kind of gave me a look that said this is a crazy idea, but you're the type of crazy that can pull it off," she says. 

Indeed, Geyer was right. Parrish built a website and spread the word amongst friends and through social media.  Alcoa donated 150,000 cans to the cause and United Recycling Services contributed another 73,000.  And others are copying their idea to raise money for weddings and other causes. 



image name
(Photo: Andrea Parrish)

Their wedding will also be light on the planet. With only $3,800 to spend on a party for 150 people, there's little room for excess and waste. The couple has focused on what's most important to them (gathering their family and friends together for a lively celebration), and they've also enlisted help. 

Here are some details about their DIY wedding:  

Venue: Corbin Art Center in Spokane, WA. Cost: $1,000. 

Food and beverages: The bride and groom are providing some food, but it is mostly potluck style.  The groom has a friend who brews beer as a hobby so he's contributing a keg or two. Parrish and Geyer are making the wine in their basement. The bride's mom, who owns a catering and reception center in Idaho, is baking and decorating the cake. "We asked our friends to bring a potluck dish, bring yourself, and have fun, because that's all we care about," says Parrish. 

Flowers: Parrish's sister-in-law is growing all the flowers for bouquets and decorations. 

Music: A harpist is playing free of charge during the service. Afterwards it's "DJ by iPods," says Parrish. Friends are creating the playlists. 

Clothing: The matron of honor's mother-in-law is sewing Parrish's floor-length black, red, and white wedding dress. Total cost: $250 for the fabric, plus another $200 for the custom-made corset she's splurging on. Geyer is sewing his own vest from fabric that cost $25. The couple is making ties for all of the groomsmen and telling everyone in the wedding party to wear whatever they'd like.

Link to original article.


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Thursday, July 1, 2010

Those Bastards Trashed The Room

You know, these friggin' corporate groups suck!  Whether it's AT&T, Wells Fargo Bank, Toyota, it doesn't matter.  When they come in we know we're in for another pain in the ass day.  Yesterday was no exception.

They have their 2 corporate meeting planners, really just two young chicks that think they know it all, that need to justify their position by making us jump through hoops.  Then our sales chick feels that she needs to agree with everything these two bozos ask of us.  "Sure, we can move the lunch up 45 minutes", she says.  "You want to change the pm break from outside the ballroom to inside each of your 4 breakout rooms"?  "OK, I think we can do that".  WTF!

Grow a backbone you wimp!

Ok, so we're almost through this 3 day hell of an event with no issues.  Then on the last day they want to do some team building exercises right after lunch.  This was no team building, it's was just an excuse to trash my meeting rooms.  When they left around 3:30pm I sent my 2 housemen to go and clear the 5 meeting rooms.  Then I got a call on the radio...

Hey banquet manager, you gotta see this.  So I go to one of the larger breakout rooms.  What do I see?  Shit everywhere.  They must have gone to Walmart or somewhere and bought around 20 bags of mini candy bars and snacks.  Now there's candy wrappers all over the tables and the floor.  

Then there is 3 cans of used Playdoh on each table.  You remember Playdoh, it's the colorful putty crap that we used as a kid.  Now these "adults" were making airplanes, cars, people, and any other crap that they could think of.

Little green, red and blue dough balls are left all over the tables along with their leftover "artwork and sculptures".  Then there's the squeeze toys that are supposed to relieve their stress during the meeting.  What about MY stress that is bubbling up right now?  Where's MY squeeze toy?

I wish I had the necks of those 2 meeting planner chicks to squeeze...

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