Vegan...Yeah My Ass!

Another thing the banquet manager can't stand...

"Do you have a vegan meal?
"I told Sales Chick I needed 2 vegan meals, didn't you get that information?"
"What are you preparing for my vegan meal?"

What's with this bullshit?  When I was a kid you ate what was on your plate, or your ass sat at the dining room table until the sun came up the next morning.  We wouldn't dream of asking our parents to cook up something different just because "we didn't like that" or "it wasn't good for us".  I was ALWAYS good for us!

Well apparently parents turned into some limp-wristed pansies years ago and would coddle little Johnny or Mary and let them eat what they wanted.  'Cause beef is BAD!  It may kill us or it leads to heart disease or any other bullshit you hear on the nightly news.

So then many of the attendees at my hotels meetings over the years started to want a vegetarian meal.  Jerks!

Then there was different kinds of vegetarians:
some eat fish but no beef

some eat chicken for the protein

some won't eat any meat but will eat eggs

some add extra beans and shit to their salad

some just pop handfulls of vitamins into their now beef-free mouths just so they don't shrivel-up and die.

Then some wackjob decided that any product made from an animal, any animal, was not good enough to eat.  What the hell would you have done if you were a caveman?  Just eat fava beans?  Get your ass outta the cave and bite into a dinosaur or something (yeah I know, man wasn't around with the dinosaurs so don't give me shit).

So now we banquet managers get requests for Kosher meals, low-fat meals, low-carb meals, skim milk, soy milk, Halal food, 3 kinds of vegetarian dishes (some with pasta some just with grilled veggies).  Enough man...

Then there is all the "nut-free" dishes that must be prepared without any cross contamination, or any nut dust in the air or other shit like that.

This is a banquet event people.  We cook for a lot of people all at the same time.  You're not going to a private house party for 8 people where the host has all day to prepare your special meal.  If you have all these special needs, then maybe it's YOUR responsibility to bring your OWN food for you to eat.  Just like our mom did when we were in the 4th grade.